Can I be average ?

I have been working on a new post for weeks now, based on love and a book I am reading, it never seems to be quite right, at times I re-read and I think it sounds preachy or too emotional. So I keep re saving it and going back to it later.

But this new topic keeps coming to mind today.

It started like this. Last week I called my Spiritual Director, I needed to purge my mind. Confession is so good for the soul....

During our conversation he stopped talking,which is rare for him , and out of the silence came his thoughts..he said "can you accept being average". At the time I just listened as he explained his thoughts, he shared with me that his spiritual director had asked him that question a few weeks ago and it had popped into his mind while listening to me. He shared a bit on his life and we went on to talk about other topics.

But a seed had been planted and soon it began to germinate...in my mind. Can I be average ? Could I run a race and be happy with an average time, could I get an average mark on a test and be okay with it ? What if my looks were average or my yoga studio. Can I just blend in and not crave attention.

The answer is no NO NO No, I would have a really hard time with being average..I am being honest very honest. Maybe I am average and I don't really see it but I am a striver, I try for top marks, I work hard, very hard trying to improve myself and my business. I am an out there personality, outgoing, fun and love to laugh and carry on with my friends.

My spiritual director suggested that being average meant accepting a simple life and I am not so sure I agree with him...I have a simple life...a husband, some dogs and a business, I don't have much drama in my life but it is busy..I love my life.

I need to think more about this average thing, it wouldn't be popping into my mind if there wasn't something for me to learn here.

My sister used to always tell me I was type A, I have always disagreed with her, type A's don't take naps I would tell her, yet, generally I take naps so I can do more or because I have done too much. Yesterday someone else told me I was type A. A type A yoga teacher ? Is this a contradiction ?

So I question myself one more time, in this spiritual journey, when, why and where do I crave attention, am I happy for other people when their stars are shining more brightly than mine ? I will examine this in myself and if I find that truly I am like that I will begin the journey of unwinding some of these things, I will look for the root of this type of behaviour and learn more more about myself.

I love finding out these things about myself because they limit my freedom, they are fear based and so therefore create separation, and the goal of yoga is union.

Spiritual freedom in an inward journey, it is not necessarily found in churches and yoga studios, although it is sometimes in these place that we are nudged. Spirituall freedom comes through self reflection and then change based on the new knowledge you have found.