Thursday, September 29, 2011

The Choicepoint



Twice this week I read something about what Robin Sharma calls the choicepoint and  both times I stopped and thought hmmm.  I remember several choicepoints in my life.

A choicepoint is that time in your life where you have to make a choice to change or to remain where you are, in that current place where maybe you are feeling unfulfilled, perhaps unhappy or maybe  just comfortable, yet you feel pulled towards something better.

Staying as you are is oh so safe, you have friends, you know what to expect, you are comfortable. But will you really be satisfied, didn't you feel at some point a calling towards something else, that you were too afraid to follow ?

Fear of change is one of the greatest fears we have, in fact its the reason so many people stay caught up in bad situations, like alcoholism or abusive marriages. There is some sort of safely there. If I change what will I become ? 

Years ago I was at a sales conference and heard this story, it is one of my favorite stories to tell.

Three men were held captive by an evil dictator. They faced a firing squad. Before each man was shot he was given the choice, death by firing squad or the green door. Each man looked nervously at the green door and the fear of what was behind that green door was so great, that they chose death by the firing squad. What the men didn't know was,  that,  behind that green door was freedom.

Sometimes it takes great courage to choose freedom

I think about how painful some of my choicepoints were; they involved stepping away from friends, careers, a marriage, habits, and ways of thinking that were so ingrained in me it was like pulling a deep root from my very being. Never have I made a change that didn't terrify me.

In my 30's I made several huge changes, I changed some horrible habits (smoking being one of them), I left a marriage that no one knew was unhappy. Leaving a marriage was one of the hardest things I ever did, my "fear meter" was so high, I would lie in bed sleepless, worrying about this lonely tomorrow that of course never came.  Its so true what spiritual guides say, most of our fears never come true. Fears are like demons that keep us in this prison of our mind stuff.

In my 40's I made career changes, major changes that scared the "shit" out of me, but I knew that I was meant to teach yoga, I just knew it. So I went after my dream and created my new reality one day at a time. My new reality has been hard work.

I believe that happiness is our right, we are meant to be happy. Truly free and happy, I have never bought into the Vedic yogic notion that life is suffering. Bullshit I say. Life is amazing, you can be happy or unhappy but that is your decision.

Last night I was running with my dog Muggins, it was a clear night and we were both so happy, at one point I stopped running just to hug her. She tried to lick my face and wagged her tail. She too was so happy. 

Again I feel I am on the edge of a choicepoint in my life, I have a great life but I know that I have something more to do, as I prepare to make that change, I again feel fear. But I will reflect on past choicepoints and know that change for me has always been a good thing.

I encourage you to not be afraid to change, to take that leap to the next place in your life, step away from the crowd and follow your heart. 

I always think of this saying I heard one day "the majority is almost always wrong". So whenever I am thinking about things I wonder what the majority thinks, and then I investigate other points of view. Only then do I make up my mind, knowing that with more information I may have to change it.Staying with the majority is safe but does it serve your souls purpose ?

Monday, September 12, 2011

Union

Inner peace comes from union, for me it is union with this amazing planet we live on and it's inhabitants and union with the divine consciousnesses that we are all made of.

When I am not in union I am restless. Restlessness in me can manifest in many ways, I can overeat or become irritable, or more typically I begin to feel trapped,  I want to run away. I dream of living at a yoga school in Thailand or living on the edge of a beautiful Canadian lake surrounded by great trees.

Yet I have learned in my 50 years of life that you can't run away, one of my favorite expressions is
"wherever I go, there I am".


As a child I ran away often, at least twice a month, crying my eyes out I would head off towards Kingston Rd, invariably I would realize that I had no where to go, and I would return home out of frustration, swearing that next time I was going to really do it. .I felt like a failure for not having the courage to just go, yet at 10 or 11 years of age, my choices were limited. My parents never knew how often I ran away, being gone 10 minutes did not cause them any concern.

In my first marriage I dreamed of being taken away by a tall handsome stranger (or a rich older man), hopefully with money so I wouldn't have to work so hard or clean so much. This is a common female dream.

While sometimes I may breifly dritt into this place it is rare and at best fleeting.

Lately I have felt great inner peace and really connected to the people in my life. My Mom dropped in and I was overwhelmed with love for her. I saw a picture of my step dad holding his newest great grandchild and my eyes watered out of love. My father is so happy and has met someone who is crazy about him and my heart dances with joy for them both. My husband came home from work today and he looked so handsome, I threw myself in his arms and told him how much I loved him. My brother reached out and stroked his wife's arm and in that moment I was so glad that he had someone to love. A friend kisses her son in front of me and I smile because I felt lucky to have shared that moment with them. I threw a tennis ball across the room for my dog to fetch over and over again we both felt happy. Watching the kids do yoga at the Harvest Festival 6k made all the hard work of opening this studio feel so worthwhile, have Teri by my side helping me was awesome too. Teaching yoga to new yogini's and laughing over the fart story one more time made me smile as I recalled their laughter.

I could go on and on but I guess that today I am glad I am where I am, I am also very glad that this life of mine has become so full of truly amazing people. So Namaste to you all and I love you.