We will find the key to our liberation only when we accept that what we once did to survive is now destroying us.
Laura van Dernoot Lipsky
This morning while I was looking for a something inspirational to finish off a powerpoint presentation, I read this quote and instantly tears well up in my eyes. I sat quietly and thought about my life and knew this to be true in a way that I hadn't before understood.
I can look into my past and wonder why I did some of the things I did, how for years I smoked, drank and did other things, but this quote tells me I did them for survival.
My habits and ways of behaving which could have been thought of as bad were actually the tools I had at the time to survive without them I might not have made it. So in a way at the time they were good. Just like the yin/yang symbol which has a circle of light in the dark side and a circle of dark in the light side.
While I am generally grateful for my past as it has made me who I am today, I don't think I really understood the concept in this quote.
As a young woman I was full on secret fears, insecurities and battle the five afflictions of yoga. Many times the only thing that seemed to settle my mind was a drink or a cigarette, or a night dancing in a bar, a new boyfriend or a long gossip session with a friend where we destroyed the character of one person to make ourselves feel better. Temporarily these things made me feel better, they created calm and even a sense of self confidence. Later of course like all destructive habits they became the chains that bound me to unhappiness and loneliness.
Over the years I have had to develop new tools for survival to replace the old ones, and as they were replaced I began to experience Moksha or liberation from self, a sense of calm quiet strength, that pervades each cell in my body.
These tools of change I share with you today in the order of their importance in my life.
1) Prayer - whether you believe in God, that we are all Buddha's or that there is just some sort of power greater than yourself. Prayer works it connects us to the energy that we all share and draws to us the answers we need. Over the years I have mostly prayed for courage, wisdom and patience...not much more that that.
2) Yoga and Meditation - both release serotonin into the brain a feel good chemical that helps combat depression anxiety and more, Both are the pathway inward to self discovery. How can you obtain freedom if you don't know what is holding you back ?
3) Reading, reading, reading, I have read hundreds of books on spiritual topics, at the end each day when I retire to bed I read. Right now I am reading Living Buddha, Living Christ. A well written comparison of Christianity and Buddhism, in just the first 5 chapters I have learned a little more about myself.
4) Support, I hang out with people who think like I do, and who are looking to evolve.
5) Exercise, yes this is a huge part of my life, no matter what, if I am not exercising I feel shitty inside, my self esteem plummets and fear creeps back into my life.
6) Pranayama - breath control, I using simple yogic breathing techniques to give myself time to react in a more positive way. When I feel impatient I slow down my breath which gives me time to think rationally and hopefully not open my mouth and say something I might regret.
7) Acceptance, when agitated with another person, place or thing, I try to accept them as they are right now. Wanting someone or a situation to change creates monkey mind. I try to go with the flow of life.
8) Nourishment, I try to nourish my body and mind with healthy food, garbage in garbage out, I just feel better when I avoid sugar, caffeine, high fat foods, my body processes natural food better and I have more energy.
9) I honor my marriage, I spend time with my husband out side of our working together, we encourage each other and are best friends. We laugh alot together.
10) I try to keep an open mind and not think that I know all, that way I can accept new ideas and grow from them.
11) I never buy into my own press, life has its' ups and downs, you can be a sales god one day and then down the next. In my business I get tons of complements I thank people for them but I don't wear them like a shawl of pride. Pride is one of the 5 afflictions and can cut you off from people.
12) I remember where I came from and that all change has come as the result of #1 on my list, prayer for wisdom, courage and patience.
