A Single Hair

One day I was washing my husband’s hair in the sink and as he stood up a single hair fell and landed on his glasses. We looked into each other’s eyes until the tears in mine made me turn away. My husband was too sick to shower as he had started chemo and was recovering from colon surgery.

That single hair was the beginning of him losing maybe a third of his hair, he was grateful he didn’t lose it all. It also represented in that moment the beginning of a journey into cancer treatment. So in that single hair was the message that all we had was that day, and that each day is a gift so worrying or fretting about an unknown future would take away from the day.

A single snowflake signals the coming of winter and a single Robin can signify the coming of spring.

In that single hair was also the message of change; our life together was going to be different.

A single word such as sorry can change a relationship.

A single a hug can show someone you care deeply.

A single person can change our world; just think of Rosa Parks or Gandhi.

Sometimes in a single moment we realize that our path must change that we are not happy.

A single decision makes no change, but a single action on that decision can change your life.

Sometimes a single harsh word can damage a relationship for awhile or even a lifetime, be cautious of your words.

That single hair reminded me of how much I loved my husband.

It is said that a single drink is all it takes for some people to be unable to stop. I know a single cigarette would release in me that addiction.

A single sperm meeting an egg creates the body for a soul to be reborn.

Last night my husband reached out and caressed my thigh and in that single moment I felt his love expressed physically.

A single yoga class can open the door to freedom, it did for me.

It is said that a single step starts a journey. Just ask Ray Zahad, a Canadian runner who ran across the Sahara Desert the importance of a single step. He is changing the world.

A single choice to forgive sets you free .

We often think more is better, yet everything starts with a single action or thought.

A single action of surrender opens you up to the grace of the universe.

Last night I sat on the couch talking to husband, tomorrow he starts chemo again, and in that single moment I prayed for the strength to be there for him.

Most trees begin with a single taproot, just as we as souls are connected to a divine source.

A single man with cancer, Terry Fox, can influence the lives of Canadian children for decades.

A single day is all we really have so never take it for granted, say I love you, say I’m sorry, be the best possible person you can be. 

Today I am grateful for........

"Some people grumble that roses have thorns; I am grateful that thorns have roses."

  Alphonse Karr

Thanksgiving is one of my all time favorite holidays, for years I didn't celebrate Thanksgiving, I'm not really sure why, it was just another day off for me. Then, when I started dating Frank we began blending our families and the traditional Thanksgiving dinner was born in my home.

When Frank and I first started celebrating Thanksgiving it would be Frank and I, my daughter Margaux and his two younger boys, Ben and Jacob. We would put a turkey in the oven then head to the Seaton trail for a hike. Upon our return I would cook the vegetables. I make amazing mashed potatoes and over the years I taught my daughter how to whip them just so, and it is now her job to mash the potatoes.  Over the years our thanksgiving celebration grew to include Franks 3 older children, Brian, Lianne and Lori, their partners and over time their children.

For several years we lived beside an apple orchard so we with the permission of our neighbor Steve we could gather fallen apples for fresh apple crisp, this too is Margaux's specialty, she makes one for us almost every Thanksgiving. Lianne now brings the turkey and all the fixings so our meal comes together through the efforts of all of our family.

My Grandma Rena, who is still alive at the age of 93, is a quilter. Over the years she would save worn shirts, clothing, and pieces of fabric. She would sew them together to create patch work quilts. I loved these quilts which sometimes would have pieces of my Grandpa Sam's old checkered shirts in them.  I like to compare our family to one of her quilts; we have  been patched together with love and time. I am Frank's 3^rd wife and he had children with his 2 previous wives. Margaux is my daughter from my first marriage. Some of the older children have remarried or separated. Yet within our family there is so much love that it's hard to believe we came together through the hardships of divorce. Over the years, lines of separation have fallen to the wayside and we have become stitched together with love and respect. I couldn't imagine my life without Frank's kids; they have brought so much to my life. This past year in our family we have experienced illness and other events that would seem from the outside looking in to be catastrophic; it has been challenging (to say the least) on so many levels. We have watched some of our kids struggle with their own personal battles.

 As well, we have had to deal with Frank's ongoing battle with cancer.  And yet out of this stress has risen a stronger closer family, I grew to see my stepson Brian on a whole new level. He is an amazing father. My stepdaughter Lianne has been a rock for her father. Lori in her own quiet way has been dealing with her own health issues not wanting to bother her father. Franks son Jacob and his partner Jenny have been a godsend to the family moving from Scarborough to Brooklin to help out. Then of course there is my daughter Margaux, she has been there for me during the scary days at the hospital waiting for Frank to come out of surgery, she has been there for Brian helping him with his children. She tells me all the time how grateful she is that I married Frank and how much she loves him, her step brothers, step sisters and her nieces and nephews.

 "If the only prayer you said was thank you, that would be enough."
  Meister Eckhart

You see change does work out, I write about change all the time and having the courage to follow your heart. While I did just that, I fell in love with Frank and followed my heart. I thought about the risk, past failed marriages, kids, a 14 year age difference. But I believe in real love and that love conquers all and that in all my actions if I personally put love first there is always a way. I don't need flowers or false words; I value family, respect and integrity. There were times that our relationship was hard, but the quiet whispers in my heart would tell me to keep trying to find a way to make it work, that love was the answer and that love was not always fireworks and flowers.

So Thanksgiving is the first holiday that Frank and I celebrated as a couple and it was the beginning of our amazing family, where we created new traditions and where our children could come home and see happy parents, who love each other.

One of the things we do at Thanksgiving dinner (which our kids used to hate), is we go around the table and say one thing we are grateful for, in the early days it was often things like South Park, the mashed potatoes' or Nintendo. But our kids have grown now and with it their gratitude has changed. While we still get some pretty funny comments, there are always some that are so deep my eyes well up with tears. I feel so blessed to be Mom/Stepmom/Grandma to these amazing souls.

So this year as always I am grateful for my family, during tough times they have all shown true love and strength. I am grateful for Frank, he taught me so much about myself, through his love and patience I have become a better person. I am grateful for his wonderful oncology team, the doctors and nurses who have shown him compassion beyond what I could have ever imagined. I am grateful we took the chance and moved to Brooklin, this business, this town, these have been some of the best years of our lives. My staff is amazing without them I don't know how I could have coped. I could never forget to mention our close friends Bill, Charlie, Doug and Paul, these men have personally gone out of their way to support Frank and I during his illness, .But most of all I am grateful for the last 18 years with Frank the ups, downs, twists and turns are something I would never change, looking back over the years he has been my friend, lover, teacher, mentor, partner and husband. Our relationship reminds me of the trails I love to run on, there have been breathtaking highs, some lows, some challenging rocky areas and times where the beauty made it all worth while.  

At night I lie in bed and before I go to sleep I say thank you for the day, no matter what. This is not always easy these days and sometimes tears flow down my checks as the fear of Franks illness creeps into my mind, but I try to stay grateful that our souls came together and the MacKinnon-Nicholson families blended. Each day we are reborn with a chance to make new changes. So in each day we can start over, have hope and know that in the end all we only have this day.