You are an unsung hero

Over the last year I have been at Lakeridge Hospital many times, but last week I was trying to find some vegan food (not so easy) so I wandered down this hallway to canteen where the women’s auxiliary sells food.  In this little area was a framed poster, and that poster listed all the money that was raised by the women’s auxiliary since it was formed in 1907. It stated that the women’s auxiliary had raised over 10 Million dollars. Now 10 million dollars is a lot of money, it’s a lot of service; it’s a lot of sales from their gift shop and canteen. It’s a ton of volunteer hours and hard work; it’s an immeasurable amount of compassion and love being shown through their acts of selfless giving.

The week after reading that poster, a member of the women’s auxiliary stopped to chat with Frank and me, we were in a hallway in emergency. Frank was on a stretcher and I was seated by him. This amazing woman stopped to see if we were okay. I mentioned the poster to her and thanked her for her hours of service, as it all comes together like pieces of a puzzle to make Lakeridge Hospital a loving place of healing. I know it to be a loving place because I have been there countless times and have seen firsthand the caring spirit of their doctors, nurses and other staff.

The women’s auxiliary member we were chatting with, told us that the land the hospital was built on was purchased by funds raised by the women’s auxiliary and that they had gone door to door in Oshawa with cups asking for donations and raised enough to purchase the land, she said the cost was $1.000.00 . She also said that building the hospital was the idea of this original group of women.

 “It was only a matter of months before the group had raised $1,000 from collecting door-to-door, organizing teas and bazaars and hosting talent shows”.

Tara Lember, Writer, The Oshawa Express

I would imagine that there are countess stories like this from all the corners of the world, stories of women creating change, stories of women standing up for what they believe in, pressing forward and following their open hearts. In so many ways women are unsung heroes behind the scenes, doing endless acts of love.

Just think of yourself; how many meals have you cooked, boogers have you cleaned, school trips have you gone on? How often have you held back on something you really wanted so your family could have something?  How tired have you been at times, nursing fussy babies, or doing endless repetitive chores? How many cupcakes have you baked for school events or days have you taken off work to nurse sick children ? How often have you just sat and been a good friend while your best female friend vented her frustrations, how many times have you nodded and said “I understand”.  How many times have you stood in the side lines at hockey games and dance recitals beaming love energy to your children ? So that when they turned to you, they knew that no matter what happened on the ice, the soccer field or that recital stage, there on the sidelines was their mothers love. Like the universe a mother’s love is vaster then we can image.  

So I ask you this? Why then do women still focus on our bodies, why then do we feel less than if we are not the “idea weight”. Do the people that matter care if we have a six pack? Shouldn’t our stretch marks be the symbols of our unconditional love, a roadmap to our kids, our journey and our sacrifice for others? Maybe it should be the opposite, maybe we should tattoo flowers and hearts and the names of our children around our stretch marks and share them with others as a roadmap that takes us back in time to those moments where through love we decided to have our first, second, third and maybe more children. So that rather than hide in shame we show off our bodies as vessels created through our thousands of acts of silent service. What matters is our hearts and how many times have we followed our heart, exhausted and sometimes afraid ? Who thought we would be good mothers, or strong partners in life. We took on these challenges with some trepidation, often full of doubt. But we did it anyways.

So the next time you see yourself naked in the mirror, smile at your body.  and be proud, know that you too are a hero to those whose lives you have touched. Ask my husband what matters, as he lies in a hospital bed suffering from cancer what matters, and he will tell you this. In the end all that matters is how well we loved and how much love we gave unconditionally. That is our legacy for generations  to come. His older brother believes that we are reincarnated through our children, so I guess if this is true our love will be like  is like a beacon guiding our future generations.

(My mother and her great granddaughter)

If not now when ?

Last year  I was searching the internet for some ideas to use in a workshop I was going teach, and I came across a list titled "The 25 Most Important Questions to Ask Yourself".  They are awesome questions, the kind of questions that challenge you to think outside of your comfort zone, the type of questions that throw your fears right back in your face so that you feel that nervous I'm caught feeling.  

Change is a problem for most of us; we resist it, hide from it, think about it, dream about it, and we push change out of our minds until one day we feel like it's too late. Then, we take a sigh of relief and think to ourselves whew, it's too late, I'm safe now, I can continue to live in my shell having never stretched my neck out very far. But a life lived in the safe zone seems to breed resentment and/or bitterness, I am not sure why this happens, but I see it in people all the time.

 

So the question I loved is this one; If not now when? Isn't it a great question? What I love about this question is the fact that in me it brings up all my excuses, and I can really have some excuses. My current standard excuses are; I am often too busy, too tired, work too hard, have too much on my plate, and have too many responsibilities.  In the past some of my favorite ones were; I was too fat, too old, not educated enough and too slow. So at least, I have overcome some of my past excuses, the only problem is that new ones keep flooding in to fill the space. It's like I poured out the jug of old excuses and found new ones, a never ending flow of fears masquerading as excuses.

Time is the big one for me and a lot of people, I don't have the time. Years ago, it was family responsibilities and career; today it's career and my husband's health. In fact my husband being sick is a great excuse; everyone would understand if I gave up running, after all I have a lot to juggle right now. But really like everyone else, I need to make time for my own personal health, running not only keeps my body working but it helps alleviate my stress. In fact, if I don't exercise I seem to be tenser, and less likely to be able to rest or keep my mind focused in the present.

As part of the same course I asked my students to list all the reason they weren't doing some of the things that they dreamed of doing, here are the top ones; Time, money, energy, kids, career, too old and too fat.  Yet when we discussed their excuses as a group we realized that in the end they were just fears, not reasons. Take for example time, it's a big one, however, I know people who get up at 4:30am to train for races, they do this so they can run, and not interfere too much with family life. They do this because they are committed and disciplined. I totally admire these people.

Kids are another big reason we don't follow our dreams and this is probably good if your dream is to run away to a tropical island, however if furthering your education is your dream, go for it, you can do it part time, at night or on weekends. One of our students just got her Masters, she went to school one weekend a month, she worked full time and has 2 children. She's a centered person and now is not only a great Mom but has a Masters degree in her field.  

I could go on and on with examples of people who manage to be a mom or a dad and still follow their dreams. I guess in the end it boils down to how badly you want it and what are you willing to sacrifice, maybe it means less TV, or getting up early, cutting back on spending or staying up a bit later. Maybe it means giving up control and letting your husband be a parent. But in the end it all boils down to you and the choices you make that get you closer to your dream. I had a dream once, I dreamed of leaving the corporate world and doing something that inspired me. I was taking yoga classes at the time and loved it so I very nervously signed up for yoga teacher training. I was nervous that I was too old and too fat and not flexible enough, but I did it anyways. It took 3 years ( one weekend a month) to complete. As you know today I teach full time and love it. The journey to this place was full of tough decisions.

I have other dreams, and I have these dreams on paper and I work towards them, researching them, talking about them and taking little action steps. I share these dreams with my friends to make them real, and to make sure I am not letting the boogeyman scare me. People have told me I should write a book, I want to write a book and at the same time it scares me. Just before Christmas I started writing a book, the working title is "Last Night my Husband Cried" , it's the story of my husband's battle with cancer, from my perspective, it's the story of my love for him, it's the story of his courage. I work on it, rewrite it, add to it and one day when it's finished maybe I will be lucky enough to have it published, in the end that won't matter. What matters most is I am writing it, I am standing up against my fears and going for my next dream.

So I ask you this; what are your fears masquerading as? Maybe you are holding on to excess weight because you are afraid of being thin. Maybe you didn't do so well in high school so are secretly afraid you are not smart enough to get that dreamed about degree. Maybe you think to be a runner you have to run fast. Maybe you don't really know what holds you back and it's time to find out. Because this I can promise you, you will be happier and a better person if you are doing what you love even if it's just for a couple of hours every week. So pick up that paint brush, write that book, climb that mountain, love the life you know you deserve.

If not now when ?  

 

Here's the number one regret people express on their death bed.   

I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

If I had a Magic Wand

Once upon a time a beautiful woman walked into my studio and told me how fat she was, I couldn't see her fat, in fact, when she walked in, my first thought was how gorgeous she was. We talked at length and at the end of the conversation I realized that this mother, wife, friend,that this divine soul had no love for herself. Here she was pouring all this love out to her family and community but she wasn't giving it back to herself. I told her I thought she was gorgeous, and she gave me the look. The look that said "you're crazy" . I get that look all the time, the look that says "you are full of crap, I am not gorgeous, look at me I am ugly, I am fat". I  always feel momentarily sad when someone gives me  the look ,because like most women I wasted way too many years believing myself to be fat and unattractive so I understand the subtle and not so subtle language of self loathing.

So, if you've made a list of resolutions I beg you to add one more resolution to your list and that would be to make 2014 the year you work on loving yourself more, the year you stop judging yourself so harshly and give up on the notion that you are just your body. I am so much more than my body, my body really in the end is just the vessel for my soul. Yes, I take care of it and feed it well and exercise it, but having a fit body does not make me a loving person or a more compassionate wife. What I mean is this; so what if I can run a great trail race and then  I come home and criticize my husband, or gossip about a friend.  What makes me a better person is how loving, tolerant and accepting of the people I come in contact with.  

One of the truths about most women is that we never seem to be happy with our looks, if we have thin hair then we want thick hair, if we have curly hair then we want straight hair,  if we have large breasts then we want smaller breasts, if we have small breasts then we want larger breasts. It's this endless cycle of never really being happy with ourselves.

 

We also tend to place so much of our self worth on our looks, that it becomes almost like a self imposed hell in our minds. We look in the mirror and see perceived faults, comparing ourselves to the air brushed beauties in magazines and we think, if only I looked like that, then I would be happy. But happiness is and always will be within your grasp. Much like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, who went on a journey to get back to Kansas, and in end  learned that all along she had the power to go home . We too have the power to be happy within ourselves.  So come home to the love within you. 

   

 

Several years ago Frank took a course and as part of that course he wrote his eulogy, it's beautifully written and really is a great exercise to find out what you truly value. If you were to write yours what would you want to be remembered for? I would want my daughter to say that I loved her unconditionally and that I set an example of what a strong, confidant woman can achieve. Not, that I was always dieting and complaining about my body.  I would want my parents to say I made time for them and expressed gratitude for their sacrifice. I would want Frank to say I was compassionate to him. I would want my friends to say I made time for them and that I listened and was a safe friend. I would want my community to say I gave back. I would want my step children to say that I loved and accepted them.

So as you make your list of resolutions make them loving and realistic. Make them based on the things you really value. Take the time to think about who you really want to be where you really want to go this year. But also tell yourself this is the year you will stop that negative self talk and love yourself, the year you embrace how amazing you are. 

If I had a magic wand I would wave it over you  and grant you more self love, more patience with yourself on your journey and I would wish that you would see the world around you through love not fear. If you haven't guessed it yet, you are that beautiful woman that walked into my studio.

This year, get those family portraits done, don't wait, you will look back on them one day with so much love.

This year have coffee with a friend and don't talk about how fat you are.

This year stand naked in front of your mirror and tell yourself you are beautiful.

This year stop buying the magazines that air brush women.

This year buy the clothes you love not the ones that hide your perceived faults.

This year make the time for yourself to exercise, being fit  will change how you feel about yourself.

This year promise yourself you will not go on the latest fad diet, if diets worked it wouldn't be a billion dollar industry.

This year when someone compliments you, just say "thanks".

This year just be you, uniquely you - be real. 

With Love,

Sheree xo