I can't publish the name for this Blog, there is a bad word LOL

I was totally inspired this week by a someone's else's  Blog. In that Blog he said he prayed "please God help me not to be an asshole today".  I loved it.


It made me think about the day I realized I was an asshole and the journey since then.


Change can only come when you realize you need to change, a lightbulb or spiritual awakening, a moment when you realize that you are the problem, not the world, not your parents, your partner, your kids, your boss etc..


I speak for myself when I say that the first half of my life was all about Sheree, maybe even the first two thirds of my life. Then one day forced into seeking a new way of life I joined a spiritual group at a Church,  I still attend that very same group almost 19 years later.


 The first several months in this group were interesting to say the least. I just didn't get it, I liked being there and the people were nice enough but...I didn't get it.


Then one day my first husband turned to me and said, what is it that I can do to make you happy ? It stunned me, was I a bitch ? difficult to live with ? I had no idea. 


Since then I have had many, too many moments when I realized that I was the problem, stubborn, hardheaded, tired, bitchy, unfeeling, pushy...the list goes on.


So that day I began the journey into become a part of society, learning to work with others and trying hard to be more patient.


So each morning and sometimes during the day I have this simple prayer, please God for today help me to be compassionate, patient and more loving toward the people in my life. It rare that I pray for more than that unless I prayer for others to gain strength during their difficult times.


I figure it this way, if I connect better with others and love them more, I will care enough to look at their side of the situation, not just mine.  Somedays it is hard, I feel the old asshole inside me wanting to speak,it wants say something un-retrievable, remember you can apologize but the words are still spoken. I am usually an asshole when I am tired, those days I keep my mouth shut and breath. 




Thank God for yoga. Yoga  gives me the tools to deal with myself, and live in somewhat harmony with the world. The quiet, the breath, self study...tools to calm the raging self centered thoughts.


I hope that you too had that moment when you realized you were an asshole...it is one of the greatest moments of my life and I hope i never forget it.

The other person has to be different, distant, a mystery that invites you to explore.  With two mysteries meeting together, once they drop the idea that they have to agree on everything, there is no question of any fight.  The fight arises because you want agreement.

osho

Spiritual Band-Aids...

Hearing a speaker you tell yourself that he is correct when what he says is consistent with your thoughts. to other things you say that it is not so because it disagrees with your thoughts. So you are not truly listening but only lend your ear to what agrees with you and strengthens your opinion. The rest, that you don’t care about, you ignore and forget.

Osho

Someone recently said to me...I guess you wanted that to happen to you so you attracted it to you..I looked at that person, smiled and  tried to breathe away some unkind words.


 The times we live in are interesting, people are heavily influenced by the law of attraction or their version of karma and they run around quoting spiritual Band-Aids and saying things that they don't really understand. 


I have had many teachers in my life, if fact most people I have interacted with have taught me something. But one of my favorite was Bill Wilson,  we dedicated the studio to him and Sharon Miller.


Bill is a Jesuit Priest, I worked with him at Manresa, a Jesuit Spiritual Renewal Centre. I loved Bill, he was quiet and unassuming and deep, so very deep. In just a few words he could sum things up or present a concept that would rock my mind. I could listen to him for ever, he spoke slowly and carefully and actually very little.


One day I was debating with Frank, the subject of God, really what I was trying to do was to help Frank see  things my way,  as if it is my role to convince Frank he should think like me. Bill overhearing this conversation said five words,  stop trying to define God. I was blown away, because I knew that is exactly what I was trying to do, create a definition of God and then use that definition to be superior to others, to set rules, to show people where and when they had gone off the path. Since then I have tried really hard to let God define his presence in my life. By doing this I create less separation from others, I can listen openly to others experiences and share my own. God for me  is experiential.


If you think about what Bill said and the role he played in his life, you come to see how deep his comment really was, how outside the confines of religion he had stretched. Please don't take this comment as negative towards religion, I love religion. But in my life I have found that God is bigger than religion and not as definable as some of the churches try to make him.


Bill was training me to be a spiritual companion for others, he said that one of the most important things was to not put a spiritual band-aide over a gapping wound. And that is what I have tried to do with myself and with others since. 


What is a spiritual band-aide ? It is a saying or slogan said usually without really listening or much thought.. Here are a few that I hear all the time "things will get better", "you must have attracted this to you" "one day at a time", while none of these are wrong, things always do get better, and yes you must try to live one day at a time. Rarely is it appropriate to say these things off the cuff, while your friend is bleeding emotionally and needs someone to listen. 


We are a society that rarely listens to each other, I know this to be true of myself, in the old days and sometimes still I would listen only until I got the chance to talk myself. As a spiritual companion I was taught to sit quietly and listen, breath and let the person talking, talk. Imagine how hard this could be, not jumping to conclusion or uttering a spiritual band-aide in the hopes of being wise or helping that person. The best way I could help that person was just to listen, then continue to listen and then listen some more. In fact that very act of listening has such a healing power, in this world where people feel lonely and disconnected they crave someone to listen to them.


I too sometimes need someone to listen to me as I sort out the cobwebs in my mind. 


While I was in Thailand last year I attended a lecture on Karma, it convinced me of how little I really know about the  cause and affect of my attractions and how they interact with the cause and affect of the actions of others. I think it the end it takes a life time or many lifetimes to even begin to understand Karma. So as a student of spirituality I prefer to listen and to encourage, and I try hard  not to use spiritual Band-Aids to cast blame or make myself feel wise.