I can't publish the name for this Blog, there is a bad word LOL

I was totally inspired this week by a someone's else's  Blog. In that Blog he said he prayed "please God help me not to be an asshole today".  I loved it.


It made me think about the day I realized I was an asshole and the journey since then.


Change can only come when you realize you need to change, a lightbulb or spiritual awakening, a moment when you realize that you are the problem, not the world, not your parents, your partner, your kids, your boss etc..


I speak for myself when I say that the first half of my life was all about Sheree, maybe even the first two thirds of my life. Then one day forced into seeking a new way of life I joined a spiritual group at a Church,  I still attend that very same group almost 19 years later.


 The first several months in this group were interesting to say the least. I just didn't get it, I liked being there and the people were nice enough but...I didn't get it.


Then one day my first husband turned to me and said, what is it that I can do to make you happy ? It stunned me, was I a bitch ? difficult to live with ? I had no idea. 


Since then I have had many, too many moments when I realized that I was the problem, stubborn, hardheaded, tired, bitchy, unfeeling, pushy...the list goes on.


So that day I began the journey into become a part of society, learning to work with others and trying hard to be more patient.


So each morning and sometimes during the day I have this simple prayer, please God for today help me to be compassionate, patient and more loving toward the people in my life. It rare that I pray for more than that unless I prayer for others to gain strength during their difficult times.


I figure it this way, if I connect better with others and love them more, I will care enough to look at their side of the situation, not just mine.  Somedays it is hard, I feel the old asshole inside me wanting to speak,it wants say something un-retrievable, remember you can apologize but the words are still spoken. I am usually an asshole when I am tired, those days I keep my mouth shut and breath. 




Thank God for yoga. Yoga  gives me the tools to deal with myself, and live in somewhat harmony with the world. The quiet, the breath, self study...tools to calm the raging self centered thoughts.


I hope that you too had that moment when you realized you were an asshole...it is one of the greatest moments of my life and I hope i never forget it.

The other person has to be different, distant, a mystery that invites you to explore.  With two mysteries meeting together, once they drop the idea that they have to agree on everything, there is no question of any fight.  The fight arises because you want agreement.

osho