Lifting the Veil

Life is not easy for anyone, or maybe I am wrong, maybe it's been easy for you. In my life I have faced many challenges, some of them brought on by other people, "random acts of badness"  you might call them, some brought on my own difficulties in dealing with people. My fears rubbing up against your fears can sometimes make for bad relationships.

 Years ago I took a yoga course and the facilitator asked us to look around this room, she explained that each person in this room has survived an event or situation so horrible that if you knew what it was, you would wonder how they had coped with it. It is for this reason that acting out of compassion is always the best choice, we know not what the person next to us is struggling with. We also don't always know how these events have affected us and continue to affect our actions day in a day out.

We not only wear a mask to hide our true selves from each other, but we often wear the veil of the lies we tell ourselves, our self justifications and our denial.  It really is a lifelong journey to get to know yourself, even just a bit.

I believe that the mask is  the Armour we have created one to protect ourselves from others and that  we wear the  veil to convince ourselves that we are not the problem. We say to ourselves things like,  I'm okay it's other people, we can even find friends to validate this thinking, they will lie to us, saying exactly what we want to hear.

Lifting our veil is not so easy, we are a society that honors masks and veils. Yet, my studies of yoga and other spiritual traditions would tell me that deep down I am perfect, I have no ill intentions, I am good, in fact I have a piece of the divine in me that just needs to be revealed. But getting to that inner goodness is often a maze of lies, self denial, and protective thinking.No one wants to feel vulnerable or exposed.

So why are we so afraid to be real to ourselves to say hey I have a problem with anger, or why does envy keep making my relationships so difficult. I believe we fear the unknown so we cling to our habits as they keep us in the safe box of our lives. What would happen to us if we change ? Fear of change is huge for most people including myself, we lie to ourselves and say we like change but really it frightens us, we stay in bad jobs, and relationships way too long, clinging to the sameness of it, telling ourselves well intentioned lies.

I have told myself many so many lies over the years that when I first began my spiritual studies, I wasn't sure what was the truth and which were the lies.

I can honestly say that getting through my veil has been an amazing journey, I know who I am and I like who I am. I have stuff I need to work on ( more stuff is always being revealed to me),  but at this stage of my journey I have enough past experiences to know that cleaning out the debris brings fresh energy, new ways of thinking and new directions. 

Recently a phsyic  told me husband that my lack of trust has caused me to miss many opportunities, and that the lack of trust stems from my past. I was stunned, I said no way, I have dealt with my past, I am open. My husband looked at me with a kind smile.

So as I end this blog I am going to meet a stranger for coffee, one who thinks he has a great business opportunity for me, normally I wouldn't trust someone who said this to me, but today I am going to stay open to new people and new ideas as I discover how to trust more and most of all trust that I can handle any situation.