The Source of Happiness. Guess What ? Its not your scale.

I have a student (who will remain anonymous) who I chastised recently for how she dresses. You may think this rude but let me assure you I did it in a very kind way. The problem is her clothes are too large for her; she buys the size up because she has put on weight. She used to wear a small, now she should wear a medium but instead buys a size large and her clothes hang off her. You may think there is nothing wrong with this but here are my thoughts. I believe that there is a disconnect between her mind and her body. She thinks she is larger then she really is and needs to reconnect with herself. She is gorgeous, full of life, great energy and has a larger than life personality, and doesn’t really see it. She hides behind these ill fitting clothes, ashamed of her body.

What I really want is for her to come to is a place where she dresses how she wants too, no matter what her weight and size.

Buy the fabulous clothes now, don’t wait to lose weight, life does not have to stop while you reach your goals. You know what? If you lose weight you can always have them altered, I have had tons of clothes that I loved, made smaller.

Does size really matter? Not really. Happiness is and always will be an inside job. What’s happening in your head is what matters, I have been overweight and underweight in my life and neither has contributed to my lasting happiness.

My weight fluctuates up and down about 6lbs, depends on the time of the month, moon days, god know what affects it sometimes its water retention. If I based my happiness on my weight I would be sad quite often. Even my size is not consistent, generally I wear a size 8 but manufactures differ, so sometimes a size 8 is too big or too small. Also my weight differs by scale, yep, I weigh more on my trainers scale then I do on my scale. Obviously my scale rocks.

You know that little square thing with numbers (your scale) it will never be the source of happiness?

I can step off a scale being thrilled with my weight and then walk into a room and criticize my husband, leading to a fight that leaves both of us feeling bad for awhile. I can be within my “goal” weight range and be a disaster to work with, hard on people, critical and unyielding, therefore causing I and the people around me to feel unsettled.  So is my scale truly the source of happiness? No its not. We think we will be happy when we weigh a certain amount, and briefly (very briefly) we will feel elated, but this is not happiness.

Happiness is never with us 100% of the time; unless I guess we reach Samadhi (bliss). For me happiness comes and goes. Generally I am happy, I have a good life and good relationships in it. At times I become discontent and when I feel this way I try to figure out what is happening in my life, generally it boils down to accepting someone or some situation as meant to be, even if it means accepting myself for who I am.

This morning I read a great blog written by a photographer, in her blog she wrote about people (primarily women) not getting pictures taken because they believe themselves to be too overweight. She wrote about how sad this is because years later you will look back at the pictures fondly as memories of great times, and others will look at the pictures as keep sakes of those they love. No one will even think about your weight. People love you, they don’t love your body they love your soul.

Have you ever been asked to pose for a picture and grabbed one or all of your children and pulled them in front of you to hide your body? Or, gone to the back of a group because you thought you were fat? I have. I have also torn up and/or deleted pictures of myself that I hated. Back in the days of getting prints from film, I would rush to the photo shop to get the pictures first, so I could tear up the “bad” ones. I remember being furious at my step mother for putting what I thought were hideous pictures of me in a photo album.

The shame I have felt over my body weight was debilitating at times, a prison that kept my true nature (love) from shining.

Today I still struggle with self image to a small degree, but I don’t allow my thoughts, which can be random and crazy, control me, no matter what I get up and look in the mirror I tell myself how great I look, I dress to be attractive (in case the paparazzi are following me LOL) and I do what I want. I refuse to let weight, age or my monkey mind dictate my life. I take yoga classes with women who are ½ my age, and a lot thinner, if I find myself comparing I close my eyes, slow down my breath and allow myself to connect to my deeper layers. I admire their beauty, bless them and thank god I am no longer young. Being in my 50’s rocks, with age and my Sadhana (daily spiritual practice) I have come to a place that I really like. A bit more self confidence, some peace of mind, and deep gratitude for the many amazing relationships that I have.

So I guess what I am saying is, let yourself shine, stop thinking you are your body, feed it well, exercise it but it is no different than your car, a temporary vehicle that you need to keep in good repair, your body  serves you not vice versa. Remember you are more than your body. You are a speck of the divine. People love you deeply, some think you are amazing, your kids think you are a goddess and your husband does too.

Here was my mornings Sadhana it changes a bit each day but I hope this helps.

Read and journaled about a few of the yoga Sutras.

Listened to Arnold’s, 6 laws to success (my trainer recommended this).

Went for a walk (it’s amazing out)

Listened to a few chapters of an audio book (The Art of War) that a student recommended.

Yesterday morning I read some of the yoga sutras, and then went to a yoga class.

For a copy of my Happiness Pocket Guide email me at sheree@livewithspirit.ca

With Love,

Sheree xo

How much should you weigh ?

This week I was thinking about the unrealistic weight goals so many people set for themselves, generally if I ask someone what they would like to weigh ( I rarely ask this question). they suggest a number from their teens, most often high school.

Let’s talk about high school, was it so great? Was that the best time in your life? I liked high school okay, I had friends, I was in a few clubs, high school was okay from that standpoint. But it was also one of the most difficult periods of my emotional  life, I was insecure, had pimples, had crushes on boys that never looked my way and generally was confused most of the time. But, yes I was thinner. I am way happier now.

I have been over and underweight in my life and let me assure you, my happiness was not connected to my weight. In fact, some of my most unhappy times were when I was thin; back then I starved, obsessed about my weight and generally always felt fat. In my early 20’s I was super thin and I had this pretty serious boyfriend and I don’t think he ever say me fully naked, at least not in the light/ Maybe if he squinted in the dark he saw me. I was never happy with how I looked and I always focused on the external, losing weight, buying clothes, changing make up or hair styles, or even jobs.

I believe that most people are searching for happiness ( I was), not thinness; yes sometimes we need to lose weight and change our eating habits to be healthier and to avoid the diseases of wealthy societies (heart disease, diabetes, and some cancers). But truthfully most of us equate thinness with happiness.

Some people are naturally thin, my daughter is like, that she has a great metabolism and has a healthy relationship with food, she eats junk here and there, but also rarely eats when she is not hungry. Do you know that people make fun of her? They call her skinny and want to know what she eats, they ask her what size she wears and make other comments, and this is reverse discrimination.

Let me ask you this? Is 12% body fat really going to make you happy? No, it’s not, maybe temporarily you will feel elated, but soon it will pass and you will want less body fat or because you had to diet to get there, the body fat will start creeping back on, and you will feel frustrated and perhaps even shame. I call this the shame roller coaster ride of weight loss and then weight gain, its giddy at times but the lows can be quit hard.

Every day on Facebook I see ads for fat loss and fat burners, and you what? I like some of my fat, yes; I love and embrace my curves. Without seeming conceited, I have a great butt, curvy, firm, and I rock a pair of jeans. Even at my age I get comments on my derriere from both men and women LOL. I for one want to keep my natural curves, and if that means some fat on my body, then I want fat on my body. Let’s remove the stigma around that word fat. Let’s focus on a healthy body fat level, for women’s it’s around 22 to 25 % and leave the fat burners, starvation diets, and crazy workouts, to the models and actresses, or those people who make their living by their looks.

So where does yoga fit into all this? Many people come to yoga to get fit and that’s okay, but for me yoga is a spiritual practice, and I look to its philosophy for guidance. Yoga philosophy tells me that I need to seek contentment (santosha), and that true contentment/satisfaction can only come going inside and connecting to the divine inside me, I know it may sound corny but contentment is there, deep inside you there is a pilot light (spark of the divine) and you just have to turn it on, feed it positive energy and soon you will be burning brighter and brighter, this inner piece of the divine will always soothe you, make you feel loved and help you feel connected.

Overeating is a dis-connect, between your body, mind and soul, it’s about filling that restless feeling with food and it never works, that restlessness is a like a voracious monster that will eat anything in its sight but soon leave you feeling empty again. Trust me, I have tried many time, but you can’t fill that emptiness with food, it has to come from the connection within, that’s another reason why so many diets fail, they are lonely, isolate you from eating the same foods as your family and don’t really deal with the underlying issues. Are you happy, are you content and can you see the beauty of your life?

So…. how much should you weigh ? Forget about high school, you were a kid. Think about these things, a healthy body fat level (22 to 25%), a weight that is sustainable with a normal amount of exercise, a weight that you can maintain without feeling like you are starving. Your body has a set point, mine does, if I force myself to go below this point, I find it hard to maintain. So tune in, find your bodies set point, avoid stuffing food into that voracious monster when you are not hungry and enjoy some freedom around food, it is not your enemy it is your friend, an energy we need.

Here are some guidelines I follow;

I rarely eat until I am stuffed, I hate that feeling.

I avoid late night eating, I like to detox and heal while I sleep. However if I have worked out late I will eat as my body needs food to heal.

I try to eat only foods with  ingredients that I can pronounce. 

I cook from scratch, I love creating yummy dishes in my kitchen.

I try to identify with what I am feeling and not let my emotions control me.

I practice yoga and meditation, Ssometimes I journal, but more often I talk things through with my spiritual director.

I speak my needs.

I avoid foods that trigger binges, for me, its Pringles Potato chips, vanilla ice cream and fresh crusty white bread and butter. Maybe some of you can eat these in moderation but I can’t. I have tried and I have failed enough times that I know myself.

I get lots of sleep, if I stay up late I feel tired the next day and then use food to boost my energy. I go to bed around 10:15 each night and try to get a short nap in 3 or 4 times a week.

My favorite and for sure the one I get the most comments on is this one. Look at yourself naked in the mirror every day and tell  yourself out loud how gorgeous you are. It works, I still do it. If I find myself looking at stretch marks or cellulite I repeat the above.

For a copy of one of my Pockets Guides to Happiness or Sustainable Weight loss, email me sheree@livewithspirit.ca

Courage to Change

I’m in my 50’s now and a lot older than most of you, but I feel young at heart, I have energy and I am always trying new things and accepting new ideas. For me, this is the fountain of youth, constant change, new experiences and new people. 

Yesterday I ran into an old friend of mine and she is very very ill, with an undiagnosed illness. She seems to be fading away and they don’t know what is wrong with her. I remember the first day I met her, she was my new boss, young, very attractive, she wore this fur coat like it was an old sweater, she drove a nice car and had a very successful husband. She seemed to have it all, at ae time when I had none of the above, I was just a kid starting out in life, wondering what my next steps were. It seems like it was just yesterday that I first met her. 

I share this with you for a couple of reasons, life is short, it really is, here I am in my 50’s and my friends are getting ill, one of my best friends has Parkinson’s, another prostate cancer, last year 2 of my male friends died of complications associated with type 2 diabetes.

  I am not trying to be morbid, I am trying to shock you out of your complacency. That’s right, you are just sitting around thinking you will do this or that, but time is ticking and you need to live your best life now. Get moving, get going on those trips, read those books, take those courses, run those races. Whatever your dream is, starting moving towards it, there is nothing sadder than looking back and realizing that life just zipped by and now you are older and unhappy. We all know some older people who are bitter, they didn’t grow spiritually, they didn’t live to their potential and now they wait for the end to come.

Just last fall I took my husband to emergency for what we thought was an enema and we discovered he had aggressive colon cancer; he has battled chemo for almost 8 months, as well as the complications of having an ostomy bag. 

Let me tell you this, when all this is ove,r we won’t be sitting safely on our asses, we will be taking on bigger challenges, running longer distances, creating new programs at the studio, maybe dancing naked in the rain, but we won’t play life safe. We already have our first trip planned we are going to Spain to do the pilgrimage, something that my husband is powerfully drawn too. Next summer we will either cycle the Cabot trail or train for an epic trail race

Maybe you are in your late 30’s or 40’s, sit quietly, and look back, where did the time go, how did your kids get so big and then ask yourself this, are you really happy, is this your life as you would like it to be  ?

Change doesn’t have to be huge, maybe it’s a hobby or a new running goal, maybe you want to play the piano or learn to surf, whatever you are thinking of just do it (thanks Nike). 

I believe that most people are unhappy because they fear change; it takes courage to change to put yourself out there, to take on new challenges. You may fail, and if you do so what, I have failed at many things, in my earlier years of sales training, I was taught that the more no’s I got meant I was getting closer the next yes.

Here is a great quote that inspires me. Print it off and paste it to your computer or mirror, or hand right it in your journal, read if often and never give up trying to find that life that inspires you. You are worth it, you matter and never forget your kids are watching you and they will learn from your example. Words are empty, actions speaks much louder. Set yourself free and watch your children grow to their potential. The seeds of love, change and courage you sow now, will create the future generation of your family. 

“Courage doesn’t always roar. Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, “I will try again tomorrow.”

Mary Anne Radmacher

Give up waiting until you are thinner, richer, the kids are older, etc…these in the end are excuses, take little baby steps towards your desired life and watch how your life unfolds, a journey begins with the following, a decision and then action on that decision.

Right now my husband is in bed, my dogs are at my feet and I think to myself, how grateful I am that I risked what it took to get here, a second marriage, a new and very different career, a new way of living. None of these came easily, there were tears, fears, and in fact sometimes I was so scared I wanted to leap back into my old life.  I head to bed now knowing that just for today I did the best I could.

With Love,

Sheree xo

Didn''t Buddha have a belly ?

I’m not a fan of diets, simply put; they are like putting a band aid over a wound that needs sutures. Yes, I know you will lose weight but how much more are up going to put back on? And, how is this going to make you feel ?

If diets work, then why are you going on another diet?

If I were to look back into my own life I can see many reasons why I overate, but rarely was it because I was hungry. I have eaten for loneliness, stress, sadness, confusion, habit, happiness etc…the list is endless.

I am the fittest now I have ever been, I am amazed at my strength and love how it feels to be fit, and I am also the thinnest I have been in many years. If fact, both my wedding dresses would be too big now. I have come to this place by not dieting. by giving up on old notions that I just needed to diet to lose weight. I ask you this, is the world flat? No, of course not, yet it was a belief of the time. We are always discovering new ideas, new ways of thinking, and yet we cling to the outdated belief that diets work. They don’t, it is a billion dollar industry that pays heavily for advertising to make you believe you need to diet. It’s an idea which is rooted in your subconscious mind so deep you don’t even know it is there.

A friend once said to me if there was a magic fat loss formula, Oprah would be thin and would be raving about it on her show.

Weight loss begins in your mind, it’s a journey into getting to know yourself, you think you know yourself but probably you don’t. You have created an outer self that puts a mask on to the world, and you have bought into this creation, but trust me it is not you. You are probably better than the self you have created. This disconnect is part of the problem you are uneasy and fill this dis-ease with food.

One of the things I know is that I am not a number on a scale, there is no value in this number. I am way more than a number, I am a mother, a wife, a lover, a teacher, a friend; I am a person who gives a lot and takes very little. I am strong, smart and funny. I am also on a spiritual journey, a journey that sometimes seems bigger than I can handle. Can all this be boiled down to a single number? One number that either makes me feel good or bad about myself. I think not.

More and more these days I see how I need to align my life with my spiritual values and this includes what I eat, how I eat it and how I think about myself. I have seen how brutally hard I had been on myself.  Somewhere along the line I had become a thing, something that was measured in value by its weight and physical attractiveness, and in truth neither makes me an attractive person.

What attracts you to people? Kindness, love, a great sense of humor, patience, a kindred spirit, isn’t it true that you find these values attractive in others, so why not develop them in yourself, become an attractive person by being a little more patience, be kind, compliment others and cultivate loving relationships.

So here is my Mother’s Day wish for you. I wish that you would love yourself as you are right now; I hope that you will be gentler on yourself in the next year and that you realize your deep inner beauty and begin to share this with others. I want you to stand naked in front of your mirror every day and tell yourself you are amazing, do this until you believe it, until it is so ingrained in you that you head out the door feeling like you can conquer the world.  I would love if you would stop talking about your weight, don’t they sell meat and other products by weight? Is this what you are, a product?

Slowly begin to align your eating with your values, eat whole foods as much as possible, eat enough to sustain you but not so much you feel stuffed and tired after eating. Food should energize you not make you sleepy. Eat slowly wither by yourself or with family and friends, enjoy the time eating as a ritual of communion with yourself and others. Avoid the foods that are addictive to you and find out where your food is grown and how it is grown. Begin to nurture a healthy relationship with food, it is not your enemy.  Be grateful for it.

Here is a quote by Marianne Williamson that I love, I ask you to read it often, to print it off and tape it to your mirror, your fridge, and your computer screen.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Happy Mothers Day,

With Love,

Sheree xo

P.S. didn’t Buddha have a belly ? LOL