More of the Same

I often blog about change, and the reason I write about change so often is because change is so frigging hard. We know we need to change, and yet the years go by and nothing changes. I was reading this book on Buddhism the other day and it mentioned an expression that resonated with me, the expression was, “more of the same”. I love little slogans and sayings that I can use in my own life, to help straighten out my thinking. One of my all time favorite saying is “this too shall pass”. But “more of the same”, it’s a good one. Type it, enlarge it and pin it to your fridge, our computer, your bathroom mirror. Add a question mark to it?

More of the same?

We all get into these habits, some good, and some bad. In fact our brain creates neural pathways that make these habits feel easy and comfortable. So to change we actually have to rewire our brain. I’ve heard that it takes about 30 days to create a new habit. A few months ago I decided to get up early before my husband and spend more time in mediation and thinking. I lasted about a week, before something came up, I missed a day and then missed the next, and soon I was right back to my old ways. More of the same! Now I have excuse of course, my husband is ill, I am working longer hours, I’m taking care of him, driving him to appointments etc... So of course I don’t need to change. But in the end they are just my excuses. Time is something we make.

Ask yourself this, are you exactly where you want to be a year from now? Or, ask yourself this, a year ago did you think you would still be here? Or, did you imagine yourself fitter, maybe thinner, happier perhaps? I love the women I run with, the reason is, they take on challenges, they feel fear, but they literally run through their fears.  They are stronger runners and have more confidence this year than they did last year, they have grown mentally through their dedication to goal setting and training for races. They all have busy lives, kids, jobs that take them out of the country and more. 

Life has a way of moving along and soon we look in the mirror and realize we are older sometimes we think it’s too late to change but it’s never too late. This week I was inspired by this story of the 64 year old woman who swam from Cuba to Florida without a shark tank. It was her fifth attempt, she started working on her goal in 1978 (25 years ago) and it took her 46 hours to complete. 

As she came out of the water she spoke these words of advice.

 "One is we should never, ever give up.

Two is you never are too old to chase your dreams.

Three is it looks like a solitary sport, but it's a team," 

She inspired me to contact someone to discuss a goal I have, one that I thought I would be closer too but that I realized I needed help to achieve. I am excited to have brought this goal forward again. Reading her success story coincided with an epiphany I had while running alone in the trails on Sunday. I received a clear message about the direction my life needed to take.

Change is hard, and when I think about the past changes I have made in my life, rarely have I made significant changes on my own, I have had tons of help. I have used personal trainers, run coaches, spiritual directors, pastors, friends, employers and more to help me on the journey. These  people had faith in me before I did, they were people who said “you can do it” or pushed me just hard enough that I kept going and growing. I am so thankful for these people and most of them are not in my life right now. As the old saying goes; people are in your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.

Lately I have being thinking a lot about a boss I had years ago, I am never really sure how he put up with me. I was young for my age emotionally, new to business and made so many mistakes, some big, some small. I overreacted at times, I cried in his office and I couldn’t write a business letter for about 3 years. In fact, I still remember the day he read one of my letters and said “it’s good”, I felt like I had reached a new level. I was passionate about him, I thought him brilliant and when I sold for his company, I sold him. I loved him, not in a sexual way, but in the way you love your mentor. Looking back I see he showed me showed great compassion,  he had tons of patience and I learned so much from him. When I left that company I grieved the loss of that relationship for years. He was in my life for a season. I will always think of him as one of my greatest teachers.

Years ago I wanted to leave my first husband, I was afraid of making that move, so I went for counseling, after about 6 months I gained the courage to  make that change. The counseling helped me to see that my fears were unfounded. I was totally capable of looking after myself. In fact I was looking after myself, my daughter, my household, my husband, my career, I was in school. I could do a lot. My  counseling ended I left my husband and opened the door to a whole new life. My counselor was in my life for a reason.

Another person that really helped (s) me is my spiritual director; he is crusty and honest and cuts through all my bullshit. Sometimes when I talk to him I think holy cow is this guy physic? I call him and start talking and soon he is responding and telling me what I need to hear. He amazes me and helps me to be totally honest with myself, no justifications are allowed. He has been in my life 8 years now. I love him and best of all I know he loves me; I hear it in his voice and through his words. For me love is such a great motivator.

Through the years, I have had a team of great people who have guided me to lasting changes, I don’t think we are meant to be alone, we are hard wired to need people and so often we fail because we don’t reach out for the help we need. Or, when we do reach out we reach out to friends who care about us but can’t really help us, or we reach out to friends who are stuck where we are, there is comfort in being stuck with others.

Sometimes we give up too soon, next time you are about to give up, ask yourself this? Have I been trying for 25 years, have I been stung by jellyfish, threatened by sharks and lightening. Have I thrown up in the water?

So what is that you want or need to change? Where are you going? Forwards? Backwards? Are you struggling in the swamp of “more of the same”? If so, who can help you find the way? Figure it out and getting going. Invest in yourself. Life is short, ask my husband as he battles cancer one more time, how important each day is. He face more major surgery next month, he still has staples in his belly from his last surgery. Today as I write this blog he is mopping the floors. He is one of the most amazing people I know, his positive attitude and his ability to bounce back is incredible.

“Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.” John Wayne

Years ago when I was dating my husband we would walk at Rotary Park in Ajax, in the late evenings.  I loved these walks; we would talk about life and stuff. I always knew I would marry him one day. During these walks there spot along the path where the forest was lit by fireflies, it seemed magical ti . There were probably other bugs around but these fireflies were so beautiful, I wanted to be around them, to just stand there and watch them. Find the fireflies in your life follow them; enjoy them, and maybe one day you too will light the way for others.

 

With Love,

Sheree xo