Reaching the 4th

I am a runner, recently I have been back to doing longer runs 15k or more, in a desperate attempt to train for a 1/2 marathon that I am no where near ready to run.

But anyways, I love running, I love running long distances even better then short distances, I love to run slow and get into this steady foot fall and breathing pattern, it just feels calming. I do listen to music but my playlist is carefully selected for positive messages and inspiration. I am careful about what I put into my mind as garbage in means garbage out.

Recently there comes this point in my run where I no longer feel the separation between what we could call my energy and the energy all around me. This used to happen all the time but slowly I lost it.

It began like this, last week I read that St. Francis of Assisi asked a fruit tree to explain God to him and the fruit tree instantly blossomed. Hmmm I thought while I am far from a saint I must give this a try. So on Rosalind Rd I stopped and asked the Goldenrod to explain God to me. Nothing happened.

I started running again and in the next moment a gaggle of Canadian Geese flew up from the same field that the Goldenrod shared, they seemed so close and so magnificent almost like I had never seen Canadian Geese before....I was in awe of not only their beauty, grace and strength but of the colours of the sky around them...in that moment I seemed to be frozen in time, I felt this incredible sense of peace. I continued running and slowly this sense of bliss dissipated and soon I was noticing my sore legs again. Again this Sunday without asking I had a very similar experience this time it started with Chickadees.

To explain it better here is a cut and paste from Osho's book onMeditation

You might not think of running as a meditation, but runners sometimes have felt a tremendous experience of meditation. And they were surprised, because they were not looking for it – who thinks that a runner is going to experience God? But it has happened. And now, more and more, running is becoming a new kind of meditation. It can happen when running.

If you have ever been a runner, if you have ever enjoyed running in the early morning when the air is fresh and young and the whole world is coming back from sleep, awakening – you were running and your body was functioning beautifully, the fresh air, the new world born again out of the darkness of the night, everything singing all around, you were feeling so alive. . . A moment comes when the runner disappears, and there is only running. The body, mind and soul start functioning together, suddenly an inner orgasm is released.

Runners have sometimes come accidentally on the experience of the fourth, turiya,* although they will miss it – they will think it was just because of running that they enjoyed the moment: that it was a beautiful day, the body was healthy and the world was beautiful, and it was just a certain mood. They will not take note of it – but if they do take note of it, my own observation is that a runner can come close to meditation more easily than anybody else.

Jogging can be of immense help, swimming can be of immense help. All these things have to be transformed into meditations.

Drop the old ideas of meditations – that just sitting underneath a tree in a yoga posture is meditation. That is only one of the ways, and it may be suitable for a few people but it is not suitable for all. For a small child it is not meditation, it is torture. For a young man who is alive and vibrant it is repression, it is not meditation.

Start running in the morning on the road. Start with half a mile and then one mile and come eventually to at least three miles. While running use the whole body; don’t run as if you are in a straitjacket. Run like a small child, using the whole body – hands and feet – and run. Breathe deeply and from the belly. Then sit under a tree, rest, perspire and let the cool breeze come; feel peaceful. This will help very deeply.

Sometimes just stand on the earth without shoes and feel the coolness, the softness, the warmth. Whatsoever the earth is ready to give in that moment, just feel it and let it flow through you. And allow your energy to flow into the earth. Be connected with the earth.

If you are connected with the earth, you are connected with life. If you are connected with the earth, you are connected with your body. If you are connected with the earth, you will become very sensitive and centered – that’s what is needed.

Never become an expert in running: remain an amateur so that alertness may be kept. If you feel sometimes that running has become automatic, drop it; try swimming. If that becomes automatic then try dancing. The point to remember is that movement is just a situation to create awareness. While it creates awareness it is good. If it stops creating awareness, then it is no more of any use; change to another movement where you will have to be alert again. Never allow any activity to become automatic.

I can only add to this that I am so grateful that I am able to run again strong and free. And whether or not I am able to run or walk this upcoming 1/2 marathon, I hope that I am able to take pleasure in the day and the event, sharing energy with all who participate.

My Yogic Journey

The past week has been a blur, we have been busy at the studio as well, the Durham Yoga Festival is Sunday, this is a charity event that I organize each year...and yet I feel great, in fact I feel better than I have in years, many years.

It all started with some drinking of bodily fluids, no need to keep talking about it but I noticed the difference within 3 or 4 days. Then last week I signed up for a 21 day Vegan Kickstart and wow, the energy I have right now is unbelievable and I am starting to enjoy the lighter feeling I have.

I remember years ago my stepfather saying that the real reason to be vegetarian was because it was a finer energy. We are all energy that vibrates and the more plant based and raw you eat the better.

So why would we want this finer energy ? To make a difficult explanation easy...we want it to connect better with the energy of the universe. So lower dense energy such as that of the lower 3 chakras is very connected to fear, living for attachments to things (and people), greed, all the things that limit our freedom.

For example the more things we want the harder we have to work to pay for them, the less personal freedom we have as we are tied to our debt and jobs.

The higher chakras are more about your spiritually, your connection to the divine, your wisdom, insight and ability to love (real love not the needy grasping stuff). With this can come a better sense of connectedness and more. ( writing on this topic is just too deep, I am keeping this very very high level).

Other things such as astral travel, and connecting with souls from other planes also rely on a finer energy. Did you know that Helen Keller could hold her hand above a flower and tell you what type of flower it was, she was so connected to energy partially due to the fact that she couldn't see, hear or speak, but also because she was a very spiritual woman.

It's not a coincidence that this has popped into my mind as last night in bed I was reading in my current book (The Energy of Prayer). That prayers to understand this connection as less selfish then prayers for things for ourselves even if we are praying for good things for others and ourselves. Another example, we pray for our husband to stop his drinking, but these prayers often come from selfishness, we really want him to stop drinking because of the way he affects the almighty ME. The prayer is not out of compassion for him. But praying to understand the connectedness opens us up to greater wisdom and can lead us to real love which means no attachments and no conditions. I only love you when you are sober, I only love you when you remember my birthday, I did this for you so I expect you to do this for me. Loving in this manner is very difficult, as it is an emotional roller coaster ride and is not in the end a true compassionate love.

So to tie it all back together, with this finer energy I have been feeling since eating vegan, with it has come a sense of peace and connectedness that I wasn't feeling before, it is hard to explain but I am really into my teaching and just wanting to be where ever I am at the time. I have been waiting to try some stuff I was taught in Thailand such as astral travel and I have a feeling this vegan diet is going to help. I am also going to change the way I pray...I really want to understand the connection better.

Since I have lost most of the weight I wanted to, just maybe 4 to 7lbs to go, I am going to focus my Blog on my journey into practicing yogic philosophy.

So that I can share from my personal experience not from a book.

Namaste

How to Drink Urine

I am coming out of the closet I have drank my own urine....only twice so I am not an expert but I can give you some advice. (I start again tomorrow).

Firstly if someone tells you it that urine has no taste they are lying, it has a taste, a most peculiar taste, that I can't describe, it is not yummy like chocolate, it is not as disgusting as Oil of Oregano, somewhere between the two is the taste of urine.

It is thicker then you would expect almost velvety....not as thick as gravy mixed with cornstarch but thicker then water.

It is not dirty, if fact it contains nutrients your body needs and wants. We Yogi's do not recommend eating feces...that is dirty...so just in case you thought why not make a meal out of your next bowel movement, forget it...that is just gross.

I find it help full to just drink it up fast, like a shooter, I have actually drank worst tasting alchohol.Once in Greece while , on my honeymoon with my first husband, a bartender gave me a drink of home brew made from Artichokes, I couldn't swallow it I had to rush to the bathroom and spit it out. This may have been the first time I wasted alcohol but that is another blog. Urine is not as bad as Artichoke home brew.

It is warm, not hot, but mildly warm...did I mention it is smooth like velvet and kind of sticky, have your touthbrush handy and perhaps mouthwash.

Don't think about it, do the research and then just drink it fast.

While in Thailand I met this guy named Peter, a 30ish American guy from Colorado, he was travelling the Eastern countries studying yoga and meditation, Peter was cute, boyish, very down to earth and he made a ton of sense. He shared with me that he was hesitant to drink urine, but what convinced him was that the people in his group who were drinking urine were clear skinned, bright eyed and that this change occured very quickly. As the last hold out of his group, Peter began to drink his urine and with in must a few days felt amazing. Hearing this from Peter made me think maybe I should just open my mind to the possiblity.

On Being 50 Soon

Seems like these days many of my friends are younger than me, actually quite a bit younger...so I have begun to feel like it may be my duty share with them what to expect when you start getting close to 50.

1) Random face hairs appear....not just on your chin and mustache, weird thick hairs that start to grow out of your nose, cheeks and neck...and generally because you need glasses for the fine print you don't see them until you are in the car and without your tweezers...meaning you are spending the rest of the day wondering how many people are watching them vibrate as you speak.

2) 10:00pm is late...chin dropping, tongue hanging out in front of the TV....late

3) cellulite is not just limited to your bottom and thighs over the years it creeps out towards your ankles and arms...if you are as lucky as I am, your younger friends swear that they can't see it (thanks Misty).

4) sex....while sex is still great...when you want it....and when you can stay up late enough to have it and when all your facial hairs have been removed

5) being told you look good for your age starts to feel okay...the first time it happens it is a shocker, you want to scream what age ? Its like the first time the kid at the meat counter called you Mame and you looked behind you to see if your mother was standing there.

6) I recently had someone describe a friend of mine as an older woman....I thought HEY she is the same age as me.

7) you really REALLY start to look like your parents.... I am a blend of both my parents...my fathers legs...my Mom's..(not saying she reads my Blog).

8) everyone starts to look young to you...you wonder if all those Moms in the grocery store are really old enough to have kids....you wonder if you looked that young when your kids were born.

9) 60+ year old men start to flirt with you and you flirt back....okay maybe not you but I have a "thing" for older men love them.....I married one actually

10) age spots start to crowd out the freckles......

11) everything you do shows on your face the next day...sigh your period of "bounce back" grace is well gone.

12) you start to emphasize with turkeys as you watch you neck resemble one...sigh...

13) and weird but true while all this is happening you thank God you are not 30 or 40 any more

The funniest Moment

In Thailand I was taught many ancient health techniques, natural remedies for curing just about any disease. Some were yoga poses that tune and energize the Chakras. Chakras are energy wheels that govern certain areas of the bodies, organs, skin and even emotions.

Some were the drinking of bodily fluids such as urine, blood and even sperm. Definitely not for the squeamish. At first some of the information seemed ridiculous....I had to keep a very open mind. Some I swore I would never do, some I thought hmmm maybe. Along with the drinking of bodily fluids there was the daily vomiting to clean toxins from your stomach, tongue scrapping and more.

Most evenings I would talk with my husband on Skpe and I would share with him the content of the lectures, we would discuss the merits of each, or even how disgusting we felt they were....some we had a good laugh over others we thought maybe we would try them.

So.... fast forward to yesterday, I am home, working in my studio when in walks a mother with her 2 children to sign up for classes. The youngest of the 2 girls was a 7 year old full of spunk and very talkative. She bombarded me with questions.....the final one being.....

ARE YOU THE LADY THAT DRANK HER PEE IN THAILAND ?

I am a fast thinker and it is rare that I am caught off guard but....I must say....this floored me....so much for my private conversations with my husband......I had a good laugh over this one.

Who am I ? Why am I here ? These are the questions we are told to ask ourselves, there are even signs in the bathrooms with these questions. I am coming home soon and have a great deal of mixed feelings. I know I will return to Koh Phangon and this amazing yoga community, I have found my place here and I love it.

The last week has been a blurr of activity...classes, lectures, and more. Saturday was our final ceremony, it was an emotional day for me. I had this

overwhelming sense of gratitude for where I am today. My journey has not been easy so far but looking back I wouldn't change much...so many lessons learned.

Last week there was a quote on the white board in our class this quote made me cry.... it was.

This place where you are. God circled on a map for you....Haqiz

I had many reasons for coming here, some I shared some were private, all those reasons have been fulfilled I hope that upon my return this new knowledge about who I am will change me for the better.

There have been so many good times here, walking with Steph to hear the Swami speak, learning to ride a motor bike, overcoming my fears, sitting up late talking about yoga, heading to the food market in Ton Sala for local food and flair.

Saturday night was our graduation ceremony, we received our certificates, a blessing from Swami and we all had a chance to entertain. I sang a devotional song in Sanskrit with 2 other people and it was amazing. I have never sung before in a small group and people later asked me how long I had been singing. I told them about 3 hours and they were amazed, secretly I sing all the time and love it. And truthfully I have always had this secret desire to be a rock star...so this was my debut LOL.

I am leaving in 2 hours, I stay tonight in Bangkok and then fly to Hong Kong to catch my flight home. How nice it is to have a place to call home and people looking forward to my return. Perhaps that is the biggest blessing.

Week 3

I have now completed week 3 of this program, I love it here most days, but there is the odd moment that I feel a bit homesick but soon someone or something captures my interest.

I ran 7k on Saturday in the middle of the day and wow, running in Thailand is rare and almost stupid, after my run it took a full dip in the pool to stop the sweat from pouring out of every sweat gland in my body. People here don't run, only the odd tourist, in fact the locals move at this very slow pace and never seem to be in a hurry, tropical climates seems to do this to people.

We are only off one day a week and I am tired by the end of the week, it is hot here and humid everyday, even after it rains. Today I am off and I went to a 2 hour Ashtanga yoga class it was led by this beautiful Yogini from Spain who has the voice of an angel, I thought it wouldn't be hard because of her gentle spirit, but it was hard, very hard, but it was just what I needed to burn off monkey mind

Each week I get a little more accustomed to life on this island, I am bartering better with the taxi drivers to get the best price, I however still feel like vomiting once I get out of the taxi's, I wonder if they drive faster if you are the only passenger which means they are making peanuts, or, if this is just their way. The taxi's here are like pickup trucks with benches and and roof and sides, you get thrown around if you don't hold on tight..hence the desire to vomit.


I have attended two lectures with the Swami this week both were great, he is why I am here so I try to attend anything he is presenting, this on top of school can make for a long day.


My butt is sore, from sitting, and sitting and sitting on cement floors. I think I lost some of my padding on it too LOL. I have lost 10lbs now....I am pleased I was hoping to lose weight and have been able to avoid junk foods I am eating vegetarian and drinking tons of water, it has been just over 2 weeks since my last coffee, I inadvertently gave up coffee as it was a no no on the detox, I then decided just to stay off it while I was here. I look great, the weight loss and the rest combined shows on my face as more relaxed.


The lecture I loved this week was on Karma, given by the Swami, he said Karma can be defined as Action and Reaction, it is a law of the universe, not something dished out by a loving or punishing God. Every thing we do will cause a good or bad reaction, he said our actions are like a pendulum you swing it out and it will come back, either in the next moment (see Misty you are right), the next year, in 40 years or the next lifetime. I will be on the look out for the knock in the back of the head...sigh..from the return of the pendulum. He also said that it is our Karma good or bad that keeps us coming back life after life and he said there are only 2 ways to rid ourselves of Karma, one is to detach from the results of our actions and the other is to consecrate all our actions to God. Only by living in this manner can we hope to break the cycles of rebirth.


I am getting used to Swami's presentation style now, it is blunt, complicated and he speaks as if he is yelling, but he is very soft and warm in person, his love for the people here shows easily on his face. It is easy to see he has helped a many people, his program is transformational. Many people end of on the island for the party atmosphere, are drug use is widespread and stumble into yoga class only to find a new way of life that is more freedom then any party could every give you. Drugs, alcohol and parties are widespread, in fact in some bars you can order Magic Mushroom shakes.

After tonight I only have 6 more classes, time now seems to be going fast, as I am 3/4 of the way through the program. I have learned lots and also reconnected with Hatha Yoga, it is not a popular style but it is my first love in yoga, a quiet meditative practice is a balance to my busy life and the running.

Today while I was walking to a yoga class and young girl from Los Angeles offered me a ride on the back of her motorbike, her name is Sarah, and she said to me that in order to get the most from this program you need to surrender and forget everything that you know. In that moment I realised that I needed to surrender, it is not easy coming here with a ton of yoga experience and being told that I am ignorant or treated in a manner that suggests we new students know nothing. However, it is not meant in that way they are just saying that the door is opening and wait until it opens more. There is clearly a distinction in levels here, level one students are the tadpoles in the pond, and each level you move up seems to bring you more recognition. With the Swami being the big frog on the lily pad.

Being away has given me clear insight into my life and how great it really is. What an awesome experience it is to step out and look into your own life and feel such gratitude for your family and friends.

Namaste,