This and That

I was teaching yoga the other day and a song on my playlist jumped out at me (or at least some of the words did). The words went something like this; embrace your anger, your lust and your greed, and then the words went on to explain that we can only release the things we accept that we have.  Listening to those lyrics, I felt in that moment, like time stood still.  I was reminded that the truth about yourself shall begin to set you free.

One of the things my spiritual director often says to me is that I really  know myself, the good and the ugly (I am not to keen on the word bad), because truly we are all a mixture of this and that. You can be a great person, doing amazing things but you still have defects of characters, or bits of darkness. We are human after all. When I call my spiritual director it’s to address how things like pride, or attachment or ambition are affecting my life, especially my relationships. I have to first admit that I have those character traits, and only then can start to let them go. 

Tonight I went to a ceremony for a man I have always judged for some past mistakes he made. But listening to people honor how much he has helped them and what kind of great friend he has been, made me realize, I had viewed him as one dimensional. When in fact, he too is a mixture of this and that. Driving home I said to my husband how ashamed I am of my judgmental thoughts towards this man and how I need to be careful of this kind of thinking. So by accepting that I can be judgmental ultimately sets me free to start to release this behavior. I am grateful for that insight about myself tonight and will make it a point to get to know this man better.

In every situation we come at the world with a mind clouded from our past, in Yoga we called these past impressions on our mind Samskaras,  which is a Hindu concept of imprints left on the subconscious mind by experience.  Samskaras prevent us from keeping an open mind. Yoga helps to release these subsocious imprints, much like deleting a hidden file from a hard drive and we can then experience new ways of thinking, release Karma, and be present not judging things based on outdated thinking and past experiences.

Maybe during my yoga practice today, I was able to release something that ultimately helped me see my judgment of this man. Whatever happened one more time I am grateful that I went to my mat with an open mind and have been able to feel better connected with another human being.

Does this mean I will never judge another person, sadly no, but at least, I have chipped away at some of my darkness and the rays of light can shine a little brighter.

With Love

Sheree xo

Why Running Keeps me Sane (Somewhat)

I have been a runner for about 15 years now, I started running shortly after a separation from my first husband. I just felt like I needed to run, I had no plans to run, one day I was walking my dog and I started running, just like that. Day after day when I walked my dog I ran a little bit. It was like my body wanted to run and had taken control of my mind. In so many ways I was grieving the loss of my dream and being lead unknowingly to my future.

At first I ran at night so no one would see me, I was afraid people would laugh. I  used to run on this small path close to my home it was maybe a kilometer long. For the longest time I thought that for someone my age, my weight and who had smoked for 23 years, this was pretty far. Then one day I was running and I wondered if I could do the path twice and I did.  I was ecstatic. A few weeks later I decided to go off the path, that night I must of run of 4 or 5k, it was amazing. I realized that night that I had set the bar way to low, that my mind was keeping me small.  How often our minds become or biggest prison.

 One day I decided to run the Terry Fox run it was 10k, I had never run 10k before but I thought I would just try. I ran the whole distance,  came in last and had my picture on the front page of the Pickering newspaper. I think the photographer was late arriving and I was all that was left.

 I now own a run club, people come to me to learn to run and most want to get psychically fit or lose some weight. which is awesome, but a great reason to run is for mental health and for that spiritual connection we all crave. Every long time runner knows how running keeps us sane, helps with moodiness and generally gives us that alone time that is so needed. There have been times when I was running and I seemed to enter a new dimension where I felt so connected to my surroundings, I felt that oneness that yogi's speak of. Not all runs are like this but the ones that are show you a little glimpse of bliss.

Over the years I have been accused of running away from things, but truthfully any runner knows running doesn't' solve a problem but it may give you some quiet time in which clarity might surface.

Recently , when my husband was diagnosed with cancer, I couldn't run for a couple of weeks, I felt this pain in my chest and I just couldn't run. One day I forced my self out for a run, I had to hold onto  my chest with one hand, but I ran and finally the tears came, running had helped me release the emotional block and start dealing with my feelings around his illness. I had run right into the beginning of my healing, not away from the problem.

Here is a quote form Osho on running, I love Osho. Love him or hate him, I consider him one of the  greatest thinkers of our time. Reading his books has helped me find so much freedom from the bondage of what I call village thinking, or thinking like everyone else.

Osho -  If you can run then there is no need for any other meditation – it is enough! ... Any action in which you can be total becomes meditation, and running is so beautiful that you can be totally lost in it. And you are in contact with all the elements – the sun, the air, the earth, the sky; you are in contact with existence.

When you are running your breathing naturally goes very deep and it starts massaging the hara centre... which is in fact the centre from where meditative energy is released. It is just below the navel, two inches below the navel. When breathing goes deep it massages that centre, makes it alive. And when you are running, you are throwing all carbon dioxide out of your lungs. Carbon dioxide makes people dull, dead, frozen, blocked.

 Running against the wind is a perfect situation. It is a dance of the elements. And while running you cannot think: if you are thinking, then you are not running rightly. When you are running totally, thinking stops. You become too earth-bound, the head no more functions. The body is in such an activity that there is no energy left for the head to go on and on; the thinking stops.

And in those moments of non-thinking, your existence is pure, you simply are, you don’t know who. You don’t know if you are Indian, German, English, Christian, Mohammedan – you don’t know who you are. All is forgotten, you are unburdened of the head... you are again an animal! In that moment – when you are again an animal – there is a possibility to contact god.

These days I like to run on trails, it's a harder run to some degree but I love it, although I run with people, generally I will run ahead or drop back each run just to experience the oneness. I feel the community of the trees, the earth, the water, the sky and I feel love. Each runs gives me strength and compassion. I am still not sure why, but it happens. So the trails have become a church of sorts for me, I place I head to, to regroup, to listen and to strengthen myself for the week to come.

This fall signed up for a 50k trail race and what I look forward to the most is the mental challenge and the time outdoors connected to the God of my understanding.

With love,

Sheree xo  

Say no to Resolutions

 I love beginnings, a new year seems to bring to me a rush of creative energy, I am a goals type of person I love to try new things, set goals, and figure out what I want to experience next. This year for example,  I plan to try water skiing and surfing.

In the old days I used to set resolutions, dreary pledges to quit smoking, drink less, exercise more and to lose weight. Year after year I failed at these things, I drank more, continued smoking and did the yo yo dieting thing. It seemed like I lived on a roller coaster ride of hope, crashing into shame. I no longer make those types of resolutions and  I no longer drink, smoke and I am not overweight.

  I believe most resolutions fail because we are not ready, we are forcing ourselves to do something because we think we should not because it's time.

It's easy to diet, I can lose 20lbs in no time at all, the hard part is keeping it off. In my old days of dieting I would starve, look great, but in the back of my mind I was waiting for the diet to end so I could "eat" again, invariability soon after the compliments on how great I looked, faded. I would start eating again and the old habits would steadily creep back in. After each diet, I would gain back all the weight plus an extra 5 or 6 lbs. I would then begin the cycle all over again. This type of living caused me to feel deep shame and a sense of hopelessness.


The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I wonder if most of our resolutions don't fall into this category. This is one of the reasons I don't suggest diets to my students, I know that diets don't work in the long run, that they mess with your metabolism, and ultimately the cycle of weight loss then weight gain, destroys your self esteem and you begin to live in mental prison.To know if you are in this mental prison now, ask yourself what it is you won't do because of your weight. 

Yoga is about opening the doors to that mental prison.

If you are overweight you are probably addicted to food and addictions are best treated spiritually, find the root of the fear and deal with the underlying emotions you are hiding. Dieting is like treating the symptom of the problem, the problem will still exist and soon the symptom will return.

These days I leave change to my yoga practice, by practicing yoga for years, each week coming to my mat just a few times, I have learned to listen to a quiet voice inside that gently leads me. I have been led to give up coffee, a diet pop addiction and have given up all animal products, not because I resolved to one New Years day but because the quiet voice told me it was time.  Because of this it was easy for me, I changed when I was truly ready, not because my monkey mind said so, but because I followed the whispers of  my soul .

So I guess what I am trying to share with you is my thoughts on resolutions, rather then making a list of resolutions why not begin a daily spiritual practice, get up early or find a more convenient time for you. Then use this time to try some meditation, maybe do some yoga, read well written spiritual books, journal, or listen to lectures on your iPhone. Begin to get to know yourself and learn how to listen to your quiet voice.

There is a difference between your mind and your inner voice, your mind is like a bad parent berating you for this or that, giving you a list of " should's " your inner voice is soft, quiet and loving.

So if you feel the need to set a resolution why not resolve to get to know yourself, to find out how amazing you really are.

With Love, 
Sheree
xo