Friday, June 21, 2013

The Source of Happiness. Guess What ? Its not your scale.



I have a student (who will remain anonymous) who I chastised recently for how she dresses. You may think this rude but let me assure you I did it in a very kind way. The problem is her clothes are too large for her; she buys the size up because she has put on weight. She used to wear a small, now she should wear a medium but instead buys a size large and her clothes hang off her. You may think there is nothing wrong with this but here are my thoughts. I believe that there is a disconnect between her mind and her body. She thinks she is larger then she really is and needs to reconnect with herself. She is gorgeous, full of life, great energy and has a larger than life personality, and doesn’t really see it. She hides behind these ill fitting clothes, ashamed of her body.


What I really want is for her to come to is a place where she dresses how she wants too, no matter what her weight and size.


Buy the fabulous clothes now, don’t wait to lose weight, life does not have to stop while you reach your goals. You know what? If you lose weight you can always have them altered, I have had tons of clothes that I loved, made smaller.


Does size really matter? Not really. Happiness is and always will be an inside job. What’s happening in your head is what matters, I have been overweight and underweight in my life and neither has contributed to my lasting happiness.


My weight fluctuates up and down about 6lbs, depends on the time of the month, moon days, god know what affects it sometimes its water retention. If I based my happiness on my weight I would be sad quite often. Even my size is not consistent, generally I wear a size 8 but manufactures differ, so sometimes a size 8 is too big or too small. Also my weight differs by scale, yep, I weigh more on my trainers scale then I do on my scale. Obviously my scale rocks.


You know that little square thing with numbers (your scale) it will never be the source of happiness?

I can step off a scale being thrilled with my weight and then walk into a room and criticize my husband, leading to a fight that leaves both of us feeling bad for awhile. I can be within my “goal” weight range and be a disaster to work with, hard on people, critical and unyielding, therefore causing I and the people around me to feel unsettled.  So is my scale truly the source of happiness? No its not. We think we will be happy when we weigh a certain amount, and briefly (very briefly) we will feel elated, but this is not happiness.


Happiness is never with us 100% of the time; unless I guess we reach Samadhi (bliss). For me happiness comes and goes. Generally I am happy, I have a good life and good relationships in it. At times I become discontent and when I feel this way I try to figure out what is happening in my life, generally it boils down to accepting someone or some situation as meant to be, even if it means accepting myself for who I am.


This morning I read a great blog written by a photographer, in her blog she wrote about people (primarily women) not getting pictures taken because they believe themselves to be too overweight. She wrote about how sad this is because years later you will look back at the pictures fondly as memories of great times, and others will look at the pictures as keep sakes of those they love. No one will even think about your weight. People love you, they don’t love your body they love your soul.


Have you ever been asked to pose for a picture and grabbed one or all of your children and pulled them in front of you to hide your body? Or, gone to the back of a group because you thought you were fat? I have. I have also torn up and/or deleted pictures of myself that I hated. Back in the days of getting prints from film, I would rush to the photo shop to get the pictures first, so I could tear up the “bad” ones. I remember being furious at my step mother for putting what I thought were hideous pictures of me in a photo album.

The shame I have felt over my body weight was debilitating at times, a prison that kept my true nature (love) from shining.


Today I still struggle with self image to a small degree, but I don’t allow my thoughts, which can be random and crazy, control me, no matter what I get up and look in the mirror I tell myself how great I look, I dress to be attractive (in case the paparazzi are following me LOL) and I do what I want. I refuse to let weight, age or my monkey mind dictate my life. I take yoga classes with women who are ½ my age, and a lot thinner, if I find myself comparing I close my eyes, slow down my breath and allow myself to connect to my deeper layers. I admire their beauty, bless them and thank god I am no longer young. Being in my 50’s rocks, with age and my Sadhana (daily spiritual practice) I have come to a place that I really like. A bit more self confidence, some peace of mind, and deep gratitude for the many amazing relationships that I have.


So I guess what I am saying is, let yourself shine, stop thinking you are your body, feed it well, exercise it but it is no different than your car, a temporary vehicle that you need to keep in good repair, your body  serves you not vice versa. Remember you are more than your body. You are a speck of the divine. People love you deeply, some think you are amazing, your kids think you are a goddess and your husband does too.



Here was my mornings Sadhana it changes a bit each day but I hope this helps.



Read and journaled about a few of the yoga Sutras.

Listened to Arnold’s, 6 laws to success (my trainer recommended this).

Went for a walk (it’s amazing out)

Listened to a few chapters of an audio book (The Art of War) that a student recommended.



Yesterday morning I read some of the yoga sutras, and then went to a yoga class.


quotes to make you love yourself



For a copy of my Happiness Pocket Guide email me at sheree@livewithspirit.ca

With Love,
Sheree xo

Wednesday, June 5, 2013

How much should you weigh ?



This week I was thinking about the unrealistic weight goals so many people set for themselves, generally if I ask someone what they would like to weigh ( I rarely ask this question). they suggest a number from their teens, most often high school.


Let’s talk about high school, was it so great? Was that the best time in your life? I liked high school okay, I had friends, I was in a few clubs, high school was okay from that standpoint. But it was also one of the most difficult periods of my emotional  life, I was insecure, had pimples, had crushes on boys that never looked my way and generally was confused most of the time. But, yes I was thinner. I am way happier now.


I have been over and underweight in my life and let me assure you, my happiness was not connected to my weight. In fact, some of my most unhappy times were when I was thin; back then I starved, obsessed about my weight and generally always felt fat. In my early 20’s I was super thin and I had this pretty serious boyfriend and I don’t think he ever say me fully naked, at least not in the light/ Maybe if he squinted in the dark he saw me. I was never happy with how I looked and I always focused on the external, losing weight, buying clothes, changing make up or hair styles, or even jobs.


I believe that most people are searching for happiness ( I was), not thinness; yes sometimes we need to lose weight and change our eating habits to be healthier and to avoid the diseases of wealthy societies (heart disease, diabetes, and some cancers). But truthfully most of us equate thinness with happiness.


Some people are naturally thin, my daughter is like, that she has a great metabolism and has a healthy relationship with food, she eats junk here and there, but also rarely eats when she is not hungry. Do you know that people make fun of her? They call her skinny and want to know what she eats, they ask her what size she wears and make other comments, and this is reverse discrimination.


Let me ask you this? Is 12% body fat really going to make you happy? No, it’s not, maybe temporarily you will feel elated, but soon it will pass and you will want less body fat or because you had to diet to get there, the body fat will start creeping back on, and you will feel frustrated and perhaps even shame. I call this the shame roller coaster ride of weight loss and then weight gain, its giddy at times but the lows can be quit hard.


Every day on Facebook I see ads for fat loss and fat burners, and you what? I like some of my fat, yes; I love and embrace my curves. Without seeming conceited, I have a great butt, curvy, firm, and I rock a pair of jeans. Even at my age I get comments on my derriere from both men and women LOL. I for one want to keep my natural curves, and if that means some fat on my body, then I want fat on my body. Let’s remove the stigma around that word fat. Let’s focus on a healthy body fat level, for women’s it’s around 22 to 25 % and leave the fat burners, starvation diets, and crazy workouts, to the models and actresses, or those people who make their living by their looks.


So where does yoga fit into all this? Many people come to yoga to get fit and that’s okay, but for me yoga is a spiritual practice, and I look to its philosophy for guidance. Yoga philosophy tells me that I need to seek contentment (santosha), and that true contentment/satisfaction can only come going inside and connecting to the divine inside me, I know it may sound corny but contentment is there, deep inside you there is a pilot light (spark of the divine) and you just have to turn it on, feed it positive energy and soon you will be burning brighter and brighter, this inner piece of the divine will always soothe you, make you feel loved and help you feel connected.



Overeating is a dis-connect, between your body, mind and soul, it’s about filling that restless feeling with food and it never works, that restlessness is a like a voracious monster that will eat anything in its sight but soon leave you feeling empty again. Trust me, I have tried many time, but you can’t fill that emptiness with food, it has to come from the connection within, that’s another reason why so many diets fail, they are lonely, isolate you from eating the same foods as your family and don’t really deal with the underlying issues. Are you happy, are you content and can you see the beauty of your life?



So…. how much should you weigh ? Forget about high school, you were a kid. Think about these things, a healthy body fat level (22 to 25%), a weight that is sustainable with a normal amount of exercise, a weight that you can maintain without feeling like you are starving. Your body has a set point, mine does, if I force myself to go below this point, I find it hard to maintain. So tune in, find your bodies set point, avoid stuffing food into that voracious monster when you are not hungry and enjoy some freedom around food, it is not your enemy it is your friend, an energy we need.



Here are some guidelines I follow;


I rarely eat until I am stuffed, I hate that feeling.


I avoid late night eating, I like to detox and heal while I sleep. However if I have worked out late I will eat as my body needs food to heal.


I try to eat only foods with  ingredients that I can pronounce. 

I cook from scratch, I love creating yummy dishes in my kitchen.


I try to identify with what I am feeling and not let my emotions control me.


I practice yoga and meditation, Ssometimes I journal, but more often I talk things through with my spiritual director.


I speak my needs.


I avoid foods that trigger binges, for me, its Pringles Potato chips, vanilla ice cream and fresh crusty white bread and butter. Maybe some of you can eat these in moderation but I can’t. I have tried and I have failed enough times that I know myself.


I get lots of sleep, if I stay up late I feel tired the next day and then use food to boost my energy. I go to bed around 10:15 each night and try to get a short nap in 3 or 4 times a week.




My favorite and for sure the one I get the most comments on is this one. Look at yourself naked in the mirror every day and tell  yourself out loud how gorgeous you are. It works, I still do it. If I find myself looking at stretch marks or cellulite I repeat the above.





For a copy of one of my Pockets Guides to Happiness or Sustainable Weight loss, email me sheree@livewithspirit.ca