Thursday, March 31, 2011

Some Very Rambling Thoughts on Attachemnt



Abhyasa vairagyabhyam tat nirodhah: These thought-forms are mastered through practice and non-attachment.


Non-attachment enhances/determines the success of every spiritual practice: Non-attachment is a most essential part of the yoga sutras and their practices. The less attached you are to everything, including the result of your spiritual practice, the more solid the ground you progress from will be. You will make steady and quick progress if you remain non-attached to the external objects, subjects and results. Attachment disturbs the mind, non-attachment makes it serene. Serenity and clarity of mind is what we want to establish so that we can move beyond the mind.

I woke up this morning thinking about attachment the yoga sutras ask us to avoid attachment, as it is the cause of unrest in the mind, as well attachment affects our karma, in order to stop the cycle of death and rebirth one of the things we must do is avoid attaching ourselves to the outcome of our actions.

Practicing non-attachment is difficult, but so necessary for a happy life, people often say that the only thing guaranteed in life is death and taxes, but this is not wholly true,  change is also guaranteed, nothing stays the same, we change, our friends change, our spouses change, our jobs can change in what seems like a moment and so can our lives.

Yesterday while teaching at the head injury association a man told me that he went to bed a business man, with a job and a sharp wit, and woke up paralyzed, he had a stroke overnight, and two years later is still in a wheelchair, with limited use of one arm and struggling to be understood because his speech was left slurred.

A couple of years ago, he was angry and yesterday I could really see how much happier he was, he had let go of the attachment to his old life and had accepted his situation, not passively by the way, he is now fighting for the rights of others in wheelchairs and others with speech impediments. Clinging to his old life would only keep in anger.

When I study the sutras or other spiritual works I rarely study it from an intellectual perspective, that is not my "thing", many people love to quotes dates and passages from books, but for me I study from a personal perspective. So when I wake up thinking about attachment I wonder how it is affecting me today in my life and if through my sadhna I am become a better person.


Attachment was probably one of the biggest things I suffered from as a younger woman, wanting everything to be the same clinging to relationships like I was clinging to a life preserver, internally crying don't leave me or I will drown, love me or I will just drift to the bottom of the ocean forever lost.

Today I feel less like this, as deeply as I love my husband I know I would be okay if one day he came to me and said he was leaving, not to say it wouldn't hurt, but I know I would be okay. Being in this state is amazing, it allows me to love him but also just to be me, not timid hoping he will love me more if I do this or that for him.

Then I think of my profession do I attach myself to the image of a yoga studio owner ? Do I attach myself to the results of my teaching ? Am I only a good teacher if lots of students show up ? Is teaching yoga a "numbers game" .

Do I attach myself to my things, am a buying into trends, like Starbucks, Lululemon or hot yoga. Or am I living my life truly doing the things I enjoy, not the things that are trendy right now.

All my life I have been seeking freedom, as a young woman I sought freedom in a variety of unhealthy ways, and through rebellion against being perceived as conforming. I wanted to be different. The choices I made brought me less and less freedom over time.

Today I seek freedom through yoga, through the practice of the 8 limbed path. Freedom is not a physical state, freedom is mental, every day while in prison Nelson Mandela ran on the spot, he refused to allowed incarceration to take away his freedom. Yet attachment does just that, it strips you of your freedom as you cling to what is not necessary. Am I  ready to sit in a cave, and mediate, no way, but I try to live in a state that says all will be well without all that I have.

Many times I have said the greatest path to freedom is getting to know who you are, where are your attachments, what characteristics cause you the most separation with others. Is it pride, ego, shame ? Then when you find these things you work on letting them go, changing them and developing your positive aspects. If you can't see these things in yourself ask a good friend, if they love you they will tell you in a kind way.

One of the first things I was told on this spiritual journey I embarked upon 18 years ago was to let go of the results of your actions, as in the end you can't control the world. Every seasoned runner knows this, you can train for a great race and try to set a personal best or win the race, but it may not work out. You could wake up not feeling great, the weather could be horrific, you could get an injury mid race and there could be a surprise opponent in the race. Yet isn't having trained for and run the race more important than the results ? Are you your race time ? If so then you will be continually unhappy as a runner, always checking your performance against your Garmin. I rarely run with a Garmin any more, only when I am doing a long run, this helps me to move away from the attachment to the results and focus more on how amazing running really is and how it makes me feel like a kid playing. I feel freedom while I am running I feel energy and connection.

So with that written I am heading back to bed for my morning nap, and for anyone wondering why I haven't been blogging lately it is because I have been injured, and in quite a bit of pain, just getting through my day has been enough. My creative juices were not flowing as I struggled to work and live my life with a back injury.