On Relationships

Today I had coffee with a friend and we chatted a bit about our husbands, the stuff we love about them and the stuff that drives us nuts, it was a good release and a chance to laugh at ourselves.

Marriage or any relationship is never easy it has its ups and downs and twists and turns. Don't for a second think this was a "bitch" session, it was two women talking through stuff. At the end of our chat my friend thanked me for giving her a new perspective, and since we usually give others the advice we need, I was helped too.

Years ago I heard that it is the qualities you love in a man when you first meet or start dating, that will later drive you nuts. This popped into my head during my coffee chat and I found myself laughing on the way home at just how true this statement is.

There is stuff of course you can't blog about and I am so very careful never to write anything that would embarrass my husband, I have been married twice and had a long term relationship from High School into my mid twenties... I have been in a relationship since I was 18.

So I thought it would be fun to take the things I liked about these men when we first met and translate them into the things that eventually drove me nuts. I want it to be clearly understood that this is done in fun as in the end I know that the problem is always with me and not them.

So here goes.

What I liked What drove me nuts

He was high energy and fun He woke up like the Ever Ready bunny and never slowed down, I wanted to pull his battery out

He was great in bed All he ever wanted was sex

He was neat He drove me nuts about being neat, he talked about it c constantly, nagged me daily.

He was charming He was charming other women behind my back

He was a great talker He talked non stop and dominated every conversation

He bought me great gifts These gifts were tied into his guilt over the other women

He was handsome He knew it and was always trying to get me to improve my appearance.

He was a hard worker He worked constantly and I never saw him

He wasn't as neat as the last guy He is so messy

He was fun at Parties He drank too much and the party never seemed to end

This list is in no way meant to beat up on these men they were great guys who I loved and still remember with great fondness, I just find it hilarious that the very things that attracted me to them were the very things that became so frustrating.

I know that there were many things about me that drove them nuts and I hope that they can have a good laugh about these things and think of me as fondly as I think of them. These men were some of my greatest teachers they held up the looking glass of life and forced me to look at who I really was. I will be forever grateful for the time they shared with me and the amazing memories of love that we shared.

I was told recently by a psychic that I would have one more love in my life and that it would be the greatest love of all. I find that hard to believe because I experienced great love in all these relationships. If someone gave me the chance to go into my past and choose differently I would still choose these men because they have been a part of forming who I am today and today I am very happy.

Can I be average ?

I have been working on a new post for weeks now, based on love and a book I am reading, it never seems to be quite right, at times I re-read and I think it sounds preachy or too emotional. So I keep re saving it and going back to it later.

But this new topic keeps coming to mind today.

It started like this. Last week I called my Spiritual Director, I needed to purge my mind. Confession is so good for the soul....

During our conversation he stopped talking,which is rare for him , and out of the silence came his thoughts..he said "can you accept being average". At the time I just listened as he explained his thoughts, he shared with me that his spiritual director had asked him that question a few weeks ago and it had popped into his mind while listening to me. He shared a bit on his life and we went on to talk about other topics.

But a seed had been planted and soon it began to germinate...in my mind. Can I be average ? Could I run a race and be happy with an average time, could I get an average mark on a test and be okay with it ? What if my looks were average or my yoga studio. Can I just blend in and not crave attention.

The answer is no NO NO No, I would have a really hard time with being average..I am being honest very honest. Maybe I am average and I don't really see it but I am a striver, I try for top marks, I work hard, very hard trying to improve myself and my business. I am an out there personality, outgoing, fun and love to laugh and carry on with my friends.

My spiritual director suggested that being average meant accepting a simple life and I am not so sure I agree with him...I have a simple life...a husband, some dogs and a business, I don't have much drama in my life but it is busy..I love my life.

I need to think more about this average thing, it wouldn't be popping into my mind if there wasn't something for me to learn here.

My sister used to always tell me I was type A, I have always disagreed with her, type A's don't take naps I would tell her, yet, generally I take naps so I can do more or because I have done too much. Yesterday someone else told me I was type A. A type A yoga teacher ? Is this a contradiction ?

So I question myself one more time, in this spiritual journey, when, why and where do I crave attention, am I happy for other people when their stars are shining more brightly than mine ? I will examine this in myself and if I find that truly I am like that I will begin the journey of unwinding some of these things, I will look for the root of this type of behaviour and learn more more about myself.

I love finding out these things about myself because they limit my freedom, they are fear based and so therefore create separation, and the goal of yoga is union.

Spiritual freedom in an inward journey, it is not necessarily found in churches and yoga studios, although it is sometimes in these place that we are nudged. Spirituall freedom comes through self reflection and then change based on the new knowledge you have found.