On Being 50 Soon

Seems like these days many of my friends are younger than me, actually quite a bit younger...so I have begun to feel like it may be my duty share with them what to expect when you start getting close to 50.

1) Random face hairs appear....not just on your chin and mustache, weird thick hairs that start to grow out of your nose, cheeks and neck...and generally because you need glasses for the fine print you don't see them until you are in the car and without your tweezers...meaning you are spending the rest of the day wondering how many people are watching them vibrate as you speak.

2) 10:00pm is late...chin dropping, tongue hanging out in front of the TV....late

3) cellulite is not just limited to your bottom and thighs over the years it creeps out towards your ankles and arms...if you are as lucky as I am, your younger friends swear that they can't see it (thanks Misty).

4) sex....while sex is still great...when you want it....and when you can stay up late enough to have it and when all your facial hairs have been removed

5) being told you look good for your age starts to feel okay...the first time it happens it is a shocker, you want to scream what age ? Its like the first time the kid at the meat counter called you Mame and you looked behind you to see if your mother was standing there.

6) I recently had someone describe a friend of mine as an older woman....I thought HEY she is the same age as me.

7) you really REALLY start to look like your parents.... I am a blend of both my parents...my fathers legs...my Mom's..(not saying she reads my Blog).

8) everyone starts to look young to you...you wonder if all those Moms in the grocery store are really old enough to have kids....you wonder if you looked that young when your kids were born.

9) 60+ year old men start to flirt with you and you flirt back....okay maybe not you but I have a "thing" for older men love them.....I married one actually

10) age spots start to crowd out the freckles......

11) everything you do shows on your face the next day...sigh your period of "bounce back" grace is well gone.

12) you start to emphasize with turkeys as you watch you neck resemble one...sigh...

13) and weird but true while all this is happening you thank God you are not 30 or 40 any more

The funniest Moment

In Thailand I was taught many ancient health techniques, natural remedies for curing just about any disease. Some were yoga poses that tune and energize the Chakras. Chakras are energy wheels that govern certain areas of the bodies, organs, skin and even emotions.

Some were the drinking of bodily fluids such as urine, blood and even sperm. Definitely not for the squeamish. At first some of the information seemed ridiculous....I had to keep a very open mind. Some I swore I would never do, some I thought hmmm maybe. Along with the drinking of bodily fluids there was the daily vomiting to clean toxins from your stomach, tongue scrapping and more.

Most evenings I would talk with my husband on Skpe and I would share with him the content of the lectures, we would discuss the merits of each, or even how disgusting we felt they were....some we had a good laugh over others we thought maybe we would try them.

So.... fast forward to yesterday, I am home, working in my studio when in walks a mother with her 2 children to sign up for classes. The youngest of the 2 girls was a 7 year old full of spunk and very talkative. She bombarded me with questions.....the final one being.....

ARE YOU THE LADY THAT DRANK HER PEE IN THAILAND ?

I am a fast thinker and it is rare that I am caught off guard but....I must say....this floored me....so much for my private conversations with my husband......I had a good laugh over this one.

Who am I ? Why am I here ? These are the questions we are told to ask ourselves, there are even signs in the bathrooms with these questions. I am coming home soon and have a great deal of mixed feelings. I know I will return to Koh Phangon and this amazing yoga community, I have found my place here and I love it.

The last week has been a blurr of activity...classes, lectures, and more. Saturday was our final ceremony, it was an emotional day for me. I had this

overwhelming sense of gratitude for where I am today. My journey has not been easy so far but looking back I wouldn't change much...so many lessons learned.

Last week there was a quote on the white board in our class this quote made me cry.... it was.

This place where you are. God circled on a map for you....Haqiz

I had many reasons for coming here, some I shared some were private, all those reasons have been fulfilled I hope that upon my return this new knowledge about who I am will change me for the better.

There have been so many good times here, walking with Steph to hear the Swami speak, learning to ride a motor bike, overcoming my fears, sitting up late talking about yoga, heading to the food market in Ton Sala for local food and flair.

Saturday night was our graduation ceremony, we received our certificates, a blessing from Swami and we all had a chance to entertain. I sang a devotional song in Sanskrit with 2 other people and it was amazing. I have never sung before in a small group and people later asked me how long I had been singing. I told them about 3 hours and they were amazed, secretly I sing all the time and love it. And truthfully I have always had this secret desire to be a rock star...so this was my debut LOL.

I am leaving in 2 hours, I stay tonight in Bangkok and then fly to Hong Kong to catch my flight home. How nice it is to have a place to call home and people looking forward to my return. Perhaps that is the biggest blessing.

Week 3

I have now completed week 3 of this program, I love it here most days, but there is the odd moment that I feel a bit homesick but soon someone or something captures my interest.

I ran 7k on Saturday in the middle of the day and wow, running in Thailand is rare and almost stupid, after my run it took a full dip in the pool to stop the sweat from pouring out of every sweat gland in my body. People here don't run, only the odd tourist, in fact the locals move at this very slow pace and never seem to be in a hurry, tropical climates seems to do this to people.

We are only off one day a week and I am tired by the end of the week, it is hot here and humid everyday, even after it rains. Today I am off and I went to a 2 hour Ashtanga yoga class it was led by this beautiful Yogini from Spain who has the voice of an angel, I thought it wouldn't be hard because of her gentle spirit, but it was hard, very hard, but it was just what I needed to burn off monkey mind

Each week I get a little more accustomed to life on this island, I am bartering better with the taxi drivers to get the best price, I however still feel like vomiting once I get out of the taxi's, I wonder if they drive faster if you are the only passenger which means they are making peanuts, or, if this is just their way. The taxi's here are like pickup trucks with benches and and roof and sides, you get thrown around if you don't hold on tight..hence the desire to vomit.


I have attended two lectures with the Swami this week both were great, he is why I am here so I try to attend anything he is presenting, this on top of school can make for a long day.


My butt is sore, from sitting, and sitting and sitting on cement floors. I think I lost some of my padding on it too LOL. I have lost 10lbs now....I am pleased I was hoping to lose weight and have been able to avoid junk foods I am eating vegetarian and drinking tons of water, it has been just over 2 weeks since my last coffee, I inadvertently gave up coffee as it was a no no on the detox, I then decided just to stay off it while I was here. I look great, the weight loss and the rest combined shows on my face as more relaxed.


The lecture I loved this week was on Karma, given by the Swami, he said Karma can be defined as Action and Reaction, it is a law of the universe, not something dished out by a loving or punishing God. Every thing we do will cause a good or bad reaction, he said our actions are like a pendulum you swing it out and it will come back, either in the next moment (see Misty you are right), the next year, in 40 years or the next lifetime. I will be on the look out for the knock in the back of the head...sigh..from the return of the pendulum. He also said that it is our Karma good or bad that keeps us coming back life after life and he said there are only 2 ways to rid ourselves of Karma, one is to detach from the results of our actions and the other is to consecrate all our actions to God. Only by living in this manner can we hope to break the cycles of rebirth.


I am getting used to Swami's presentation style now, it is blunt, complicated and he speaks as if he is yelling, but he is very soft and warm in person, his love for the people here shows easily on his face. It is easy to see he has helped a many people, his program is transformational. Many people end of on the island for the party atmosphere, are drug use is widespread and stumble into yoga class only to find a new way of life that is more freedom then any party could every give you. Drugs, alcohol and parties are widespread, in fact in some bars you can order Magic Mushroom shakes.

After tonight I only have 6 more classes, time now seems to be going fast, as I am 3/4 of the way through the program. I have learned lots and also reconnected with Hatha Yoga, it is not a popular style but it is my first love in yoga, a quiet meditative practice is a balance to my busy life and the running.

Today while I was walking to a yoga class and young girl from Los Angeles offered me a ride on the back of her motorbike, her name is Sarah, and she said to me that in order to get the most from this program you need to surrender and forget everything that you know. In that moment I realised that I needed to surrender, it is not easy coming here with a ton of yoga experience and being told that I am ignorant or treated in a manner that suggests we new students know nothing. However, it is not meant in that way they are just saying that the door is opening and wait until it opens more. There is clearly a distinction in levels here, level one students are the tadpoles in the pond, and each level you move up seems to bring you more recognition. With the Swami being the big frog on the lily pad.

Being away has given me clear insight into my life and how great it really is. What an awesome experience it is to step out and look into your own life and feel such gratitude for your family and friends.

Namaste,